More Than Anything [UNEDITED]

Margaux

"Mommy, where's Daddy?" inosenteng tanong ni Shawn sa akin habang nagbabasa ako ng storybook bago siya matulog.

I looked at him and smiled. Umalis si Quinn ngayong gabi dahil kakausapin daw niya si Louise. He told me he'll tell her about Shawn. I wonder how that went.

I kissed the top of Shawn's head. "He's with his girlfriend. He might not come back." I don't want to lie to him. Ayoko ring umasa siyang mabubuo kami bilang isang pamilya. Mas masakit iyon dahil alam kong hindi naman iyon magiging totoo anytime soon.

Kumurap-kurap si Shawn sa akin. "I thought you're his girlfriend." Aniya. "And why will he not come back?"

"He's with someone he loves. He could stay with her." Kumunot ang noo niya sa sinabi ko. "And no. I'm not his girlfriend. I told you. I used to be. Before. That was before, baby."

He looked at me innocently. "But he said he loves me. He loves me, too. I think he will come back for me." He pouted. "So, what are you to Daddy, Mommy?" he asked curiously.

I pursed my lips in a thin while I was speechless. I don't know what to tell him. I don't know what I am to Quinn. Isa pa, wala naman talaga kaming koneksyon. Shawn is the only person linking us. So, what are we, really?

"We're your parents, Shawn." It was the safest answer after thinking for a while. I don't want my words to backfire at me. I should always go with the most honest and safest answer.

Tumango si Shawn at tila naniwala na. Pagkatapos noon ay hindi na siya nagtanong. Nagpatuloy na ako sa pagbabasa ng storybook at tuluyan na siyang nakatulog. Naghintay ako hanggang naging mas maayos ang paghinga niya bago ko siya hinalikan sa noo at umalis na sa kwarto niya.

I closed the door quietly as I smiled to myself. We're okay like this. Ang akala ko ay dahil wala si Quinn, may biglang magbabago pero wala. We're still the same. My son and I are still happy together.

Habang naglalakad ako papuntang kwarto ko ay hindi ko napigilang lumingon sa pintuan ng silid ni Quinn. Wala pa rin siya. I looked at wall clock. It's already 11PM.

I wonder if he's going home tonight.

I sighed and shook my head.

Do not even bother worrying about him, Margaux. Wala ka dapat pakialam.

I walked to my room and prepared to go to sleep. Bukas ay maaga akong gigising para makapag-jogging. Ang huling jogging ko ay noon pang bago makita ni Quinn si Shawn. It's almost a month.

Alas-singko nang magising ako. Nakita ko si Mela na abala sa paglilinis sa sala habang nanonood ng TV. Nang makita niya akong pababa ay hininaan niya ang volume para mabati ako.

"Good morning, Ma'am." Aniya.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Magjojogging lang ako." Sabi ko sa kanya.

"Sige po, Ma'am. Ingat po kayo." Aniya.

Tumango ako at nagsimula nang maglakad sa pinto nang bigla akong may naalala.

"Umuwi ba si Quinn kagabi?" Tanong ko.

Kumunot ang noo ni Mela at tila ba nalilito sa tanong ko. "Hindi ko po sigurado, Ma'am. Ang alam ko ay hindi." Sagot niya.

Tumango ako. "Okay. Kapag nagising si Shawn at wala pa ako, pakilutuan na lang siya ng pancakes." Sabi ko.

Ngumiti si Mela. "Sige po, Ma'am. Mag-iingat po kayo sa labas." Bilin niya.

Hindi naman nakakatakot sa labas. The subdivision is safe. May ilang artista ring dito nakatira kaya medyo mahigpit rin ang security. And besides, I've been jogging around for all the time I've resided here, wala pa namang masamang nangyari sa akin.