More Than Anything [UNEDITED]

Margaux

As I was speaking to the relatives of one of my patients, I heard my phone ring. It was Mela, my helper.

"Ma'am! Pang-apat na pong beses na nagsuka si Shawn! May lagnat din po, Ma'am." I can sense na natataranta na siya sa mga pangyayari sa anak ko.

Kahit ako ay nataranta ng marinig ako. As a doctor, I've had all of the worst things come into my head with just a simple vomiting and fever. This is the thing about me whenever my son gets sick.

"Tawagin mo si Kuya Peter at dalhin niyo na siya dito." Bilin ko kay Mela nang bigla siyang sumigaw. "What the hell is happening? Mela?!"

"Ma'am! Nagsuka po kasi ulit siya. Tapos hawak-hawak niya po ang tiyan niya." Sagot niya at parang masama na nga ang lagay ni Shawn.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba. He's my son and he's sick. I think I'm going crazy. Pagkatapos kong ibilin na dalhin nila ang anak ko sa ospital ay tinawagan ko agad si Deonna.

"Hello? Shawn's coming here." Iyon ang bungad ko sa kanya.

"Ah? Akala ko ba dadalhin mo iyong bago mong boyfriend?" I know that she's trying to tease me but I'm not in the mood for anything.

"He's sick, D. Ilang bese na raw siyang nagsuka sabi ni Mela!" Now, I'm hysterical. My son has never thrown up since he was a baby. And he's already five years old now. He's been healthy all his life! Why is he throwing up now?

"Shawn is sick?" Now, she's got the hang of the whole situation. "Dadalhin mo ba dito? Where are you? I'm in the ER. Cubicle 16." Dagdag niya. "Okay. I'm almost finished."

I sighed. "I'm walking towards the lounge. Sasalubungin ko sila sa entrance." Sagot ko. "What if malala ito this time? Shawn has never been sick since he was born!" I'm pretty sure I didn't just sound hysterical but I also looked like one in distress as well.

"Look, your son's gonna be alright. I'll go check when he comes here." Deonna tried to calm me down but it was no use.

Just the thought of my son in a hospital bed kills me to the bones.

"I'll also call Dr. Tan. Siya ang pedia niya." I told her.

"Yes. Calm down. Baka UTI lang. Children throw up when they have UTI or even just a simple fever." Deonna's voice has gotten even softer. "Your helper needs to calm down as well. Are they on their way?"

"Yes." I replied as I roamed my eyes around the ER lounge. Tinitingnan ko kung matatantya ko ba kung saan sila papasok. "Tapos ka na ba diyan?" I asked. I really need someone to keep me to my senses now.

"Yes. Tapos na ako dito. I'm coming to the lounge in five." She replied and that's the only time that I actually calmed down.

I've raised my son alone because when my parents knew I was pregnant, they already cut the ties between us. I am their only daughter but they left me alone when I needed them the most.

Although they didn't cut the monetary support, they didn't see me ever again. They didn't even want to see my son. The last words they told me was how they were disappointed in me.

I wouldn't blame them, though. Isa akong malaking tanga. I gave my whole being with the man who I thought would love me until the last of my breath. Hindi ko inakalang iiwan rin pala niya ako. At may bonus pa.

But nevertheless, I have not regretted having my son with me. Kung dati, I needed someone's warmth to keep me happy, ngayon, all I need is a hug from Shawn and everything will be alright. Lahat ng pagod ko ay pawing-pawi na.

That's why I'm so worried right now. The source of my strength is sick and I think I'm going to collapse anytime soon. I can't bear to see my child inside a hospital.