More Than Anything [UNEDITED]

Quinn

"Babe, pupunta tayo sa bagong open na bar mamaya, alright? Fetch me after work." Sabi ni Louise nang mag-usap kami sa cellphone.

Tonight's the opening of the bar of one of Louise's closest friends, Jada. She personally asked the both of us to come to the opening and have fun. Knowing how Louise can be so persuasive, I couldn't turn her down.

I've been spending a lot of time with Shawn lately. Mabuti at pinapayagan siya ni Margaux na makipagkita sa akin. Yesterday, I brought him to the amusement park. We had our father and son bonding. I could not even imagine how happy I was when he hugged me and when he laughed with me.

Maybe this is the thing about being a parent—it gives one sense of content and happiness.

"Daddy, why are you not living with me and Mommy?" Shawn asked when we were eating.

Nabigla ako sa tanong niya. Margaux never told me what she answers him whenever he asks these kinds of questions. Ano kaya ang isinasagot niya? How does she satisfy this kid's curiosity?

"Mommy said you have another family and that you love someone else. Who is that, daddy?" He added as he sipped on his juice. "Don't you love us?"

Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa tanong niya sa akin. Sure I love Louise but nothing can compare with my love for my son. I love my son with all my heart. Even when I saw him talking to Margaux inside the hospital, I know that I love him. Deep inside me, no one can replace him.

And that's how different my love for Shawn is.

"Of course I love you, baby." I told him as I wiped the sauce on the side of his lips. "I love you so much." I smiled.

He giggled. "Do you love Mommy too?" he asked again.

I know it was an innocent question. But all of his questions are based on his curious mind. All of his questions are from his heart.

"When I asked Mommy if she loves you, she said she used to love you." He said again. "Our teacher said that we are all made out of love."

Margaux used to love me. That's what she told my son. Now, she hates me for falling out of love and cheating on her with Louise. She hid my son away from me for years because she thinks I would not be an efficient father if I knew she was pregnant and I was already in love with someone else.

Now it hit me. Everything she's done is only for our son. She wanted to spare our son from the heartache of having his parents separated. I just realized about it now.

I smiled and nodded. "You are made out of love." I told him. "I loved your mother when we made you."

"But you left us." He replied. "You left my Mommy and I alone. How is that loving her? Me? Us?"

I bit my lip and was slightly taken aback from his question. Yes, how was that loving them? I broke his mother's heart. How is that called loving her?

For one night, Shawn's question was all I can think of in my mind. Minahal ko nga ba talaga si Margaux? Did I love her when we made Shawn? Or was I at the verge of leaving her that night?

I've reflected everything I've done.

I fell out of love. I fell for Louise. I fell in love with Louise who showed me that I will always have her by my side. She would never leave me. She would never be busy for me. She would always find time for me.

When Margaux was having a difficult time juggling her studies and our relationship, I was busy flirting with Louise. I was busy falling in love with someone else.

How hard has it been for Margaux to raise our son alone? She even said she got disowned by her parents? How did she bear our son for nine fucking months? Did she get sick a lot?