More Than Anything [UNEDITED]

Margaux

Hindi natuloy and pag-uusap nina Quinn at Louise. Bigla raw kasing nagback-out si Louise kaya hindi na rin itinuloy ni Quinn. I understand her. I know what it feels like to be left behind. Alam ko ang pakiramdam nang iniiwan dahil minsan na ring nangyari sa akin iyon. Alam ko kung gaano kasakit.

There were also times when I had to question myself why. And then the list went on.

Mabuti na rin sigurong hindi muna kausapin ni Quinn si Louise. Maybe she needs time to get over what I said. Yes, she does.

Isang linggo nang nasa ICU si Mommy. Isang linggo na rin akong laging nasa ospital. Bumalik na si Quinn sa trabaho pati na rin si Shawn ay nagbalik school na rin. It's like normal days again.

Nakaupo kami ni Deonna sa hospital cafeteria. She's talking about getting pregnant and having a baby. Iyon kasi ang gusto ni Luke. Siguro ay dapat na rin silang magkaanak. They've been married for almost three years and are still childless.

"Nakakatakot kasi." Iyon ang sabi ni Deonna.

Tumitig ako sa kanya bago sumubo ng sandwich. I don't really fully understand how pregnancy is scary. At first, well, yes, it shook me to hell before but as soon as the days go by, acceptance comes in. At doon na rin magsisimula ang excitement para sa pagbubuntis.

"You have Luke with you. Bakit ka natatakot?"

She bit her lip and sighed. "I know. Andiyan na si Luke pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilang isipin kung handa na akong magkaanak kami. I was so used to only the two of us. And I'm not sure if I can handle babies well, too."

I smiled at her. "Magaling kang mag-alaga. I've seen you with Shawn. You're a good godmother. I'm sure you'll shower your child with more love when he or she comes."

She took another deep breath before looking at me. "You know what? Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano mo nasurvive na palakihin ang anak mong mag-isa. I salute you, you know. Ikaw na ata ang pinakamatibay na single mom na kilala ko."

I laughed at her remark. "When your child comes, you'll know how to sacrifice everything for him or her. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung magiging mabuting ina ako kay Shawn noong pinagbubuntis ko siya. I was depressed because my boyfriend left me for someone else. I was even more depressed because my parents disowned me. Ang akala ko ay hindi lalaki sa mabuting kamay ang anak ko pero I was wrong. When I first saw my son, I've been in love for real. And maybe that's what true love is. Iyong alam mong kahit ano gagawin mo para sa taong iyon. And for me, it's Shawn. I'm sure for you, you will love your son or daughter with all your heart, too. Ganoon naman iyon. That's the power of a mother's love."

I didn't noticed how teary eyed I was when I said that. Parang bumuhos ang lahat ng alaala sa akin simula noong ipinagbubuntis ko si Shawn hanggang sa mga panahong mag-isa ko siyang itinaguyod. I was so happy back then. It was the only time that I knew how to be genuinely happy.

It was then that I realized something. True love isn't always about the opposite sex. True love is something that doesn't fade. It's something you'll always feel for a certain person. Iyon kahit anong mangyari ay alam mong siya lang mamahalin mo. For me, my son is my true love. He'll always be my priority. He'll always hold the biggest part of my heart.

"How was school?" Tanong ko kay Shawn nang umuwi ako sa bahay namin.

Quinn has been bugging me to stay in his house but I didn't know if that was a good idea. Alam kong plano niyang pakasalan ako pero hindi naman siguro tamang doon na ako tumira sa bahay niya. And besides, I'm not even sure if he's serious.

He's changed his mind about me before. Hindi ko maiwasang isiping pwedeng magbago ulit iyon ngayon.

Shawn smiled as he ate his Mac and Cheese. He looked sad, though.