Difficult Love [COMPLETE]

XXI

Laying down on the uncomfortable bed I started at the ceiling, my hands over my belly as I just watched the light. The smell of sanitation surrounded me. This was my first time being in the hospital, hopefully the last that's for sure. The room was in complete silence, D'Angelo was in here... I can feel his presence. 
Once in a while the heart monitor would beep, showing the rate of my heart. Beep... Beep... Beep... I was calm, too calm but I was trained to be, not to show others my weaknesses nor troubles.

'Miscarriage...' I told myself as a weird instinct kicked in, my right hand slightly caressed my stomach, quickly stopping myself from doing it again. I don't understand, i'm not able to carry a sole in me let alone a human life. All types tests, drugs left me with side affects, the fact that I was pregnant meant that I still could but can't support it.

"You're not supposed to be here..." Turning my head to look over at D'Angelo he continued to stare down at the floor. Not getting a response I look away, closing my eyes I let out a sigh. Pinching the bridge of my nose I told myself how could that have been possible. Life and death, I am death yet I can produce life? That's not possible.
I felt numb. Slight confusion but mainly numb. I don't know how feel about this... Shocked, concerned, surprised, excited? I don't know.

Hearing the door open from the room I ignore it, knowing that a nurse was going to deliver 'devastating' news to me- to us... Hearing D'Angelo moving in the seat I knew he was curious what the nurse had to say. He really shouldn't be here, I can take care of myself...

"Sir, we have good and bad news." I don't want to hear it...
"Bad then good." I hear him say in a low tone, feeling his eyes on me I ignore it. Ignoring his stare I look at the semi young nurse as he looked down at the clip board, listing everything about what happened and what's wrong.

"Bad news is that you lost a child." Looking at me I gave her a stern nod, my hard look plastered as I knew that I lost it, the amount of blood I lost meant it was dead. 

"Good news is that you still have two little ones, around 5 weeks old," She pauses to observe our reaction. Me and D'Angelo snap our heads to each other, the both of us not showing an ounce of emotion. Fuck me... "Luckily you were rushed in time to save the other little one's." She smiles at us. please don't...

"Since you're having twins I highly suggest not stressing too much nore doing anything too heavy like lifting items and working out." She continues to explain the do's and don'ts about certain things for a healthy pregnancy. I'm carrying a life? Two? In me? What's worse is that I'm carrying a mobsters child in me. How the hell am I supposed to do this?

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The ride back home was silent, no music, to talking, just our breathing could he heard. D'Angelo seemed numb like me, I don't know what's going through his mind but in mine I was thinking about abortion. I'm not meant to me a mother, heck I wasn't supposed to be a mother at all. I'm in this life for life... I can't get distracted. Can't be held back. 
Looking out the window we arrived at the front gate, seeing the house I knew I had to get distracted so I wouldn't think about this. I'm here on a job and I will complete it no matter what...

Exiting the car I walked up the stairs towards the front door. Hearing D'Angelo coming up I left the front door open as I walked up the stairs and into my room. I need to take a shower. Entering the bathroom I strip out of my clothes, not bothering to let the water heat up I get in. The cold water hit my hair, running down my back. What am I supposed to do. As minutes passed by I turned off the water, rinsing the excess water that was in my hair I step out, taking the towel I wrapped it around my body. Walking toward the bathroom counters I stopped, looking at myself in the mirror. What now. Letting the towel slide down I looked at my body. I trained hard to get to how I liked it. The flat stomach, the muscles on my arms, my defined thick waist...