[𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖚𝖊𝖉] 𝕹𝖔𝖙 𝖄𝖔𝖚! - 𝕬 𝖏𝖎𝖑𝖞 𝖋𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖋𝖈

chapter 12 - jealous james

January 1st, 1976

6th year boys dormitory 

1am

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James POV

"HAPPY NEW YEAR MATE! 1 YEAR CLOSER TO YOUR DEATH!" Sirius yelled, jumping out of his four poster bed so aggressively he hit his head. He screeched in pain and cradled his face in his arms. 

We all started laughing. 

"Pads, your head sounded HOLLOW. Do you even have a brain?" I said, laughing. 

"Fuck you James." 

"Whatever you want, Padfoot." I said in a sing-song voice. Our laughter was interrupted by a knock on our door. 

"James?" came a familiar voice.

"Marlene?" I asked, standing up on my bed WITHOUT hitting my head, and went to the door and opened it. There was Marlene, holding a pile of red jumpers. 

"Lily thought you might want these back, James." Marlene said, handing me the folded sweaters. 

Realizing what they were, I snapped "Yeah, thanks a ton Marlene." 

"Woah, don't shoot the messenger, James. Goodnight. LOVE YOU SIRIUS!" 

"Night." I said quietly, starting to close the door, but Sirius came running over. 

"Sirius! Your forehead is bleeding!"

"And?" Sirius said sarcastically, leaning against  the door frame. 

"Lemme kiss it better!" Marlene somewhat demanded, standing on her tip toes and kissing his forehead. "Night, love!" she said as she closed the door. 

We all were laughing more than we should've been, as it was 1:30 in the morning. It stopped when Remus asked what the things in my arms, subsequently ruining the happy atmosphere. 

"They're the 'Potter, 07' jumper Sirius used to prank Lily." I said quietly. 

Everyone fell silent. Since Lily was going out with Wood, we hadn't really talked much. I bet she now had a full stack of his old jersies, which really pissed me off. 

"What do you suppose she sees in him?" I asked suddenly with a twinge of anger in my voice. 

"Well for starters, he's not a complete arrogant airhead, like you." Sirius said. "Seriously mate, deflate you head a bit. Remus, what is it muggles do? Send their problem children to the British Navy?" 

"Yeah I guess so. I've never been threatened with that though."

"Obviously, Moony, you're a well behaved kid." Peter said. 

"It still pisses me off though." I said, dropping the jumpers into my trunk.

"You know she still thinks you're a bit conceited, right?" Sirius said as he sat down on his bed. 

"Of course she does. But now that I think about it, it could be worse. She could be with Snivellus." I said, running a finger down my face on the side where there was a scar from Snivellus from last year. 

"You know James, if you truly, really, genuinely were in love with her-" Remus started before I cut him off angrily.

"OF COURSE I'M IN LOVE WITH HER. REALLY, TRULY, GENUINELY, AND SINCERELY. I LOVE HER. AND SHE PLOTTED WITH THE GIT SNAPE ALL THOSE YEARS AGO TO AVOID ME. I KNEW THEY WERE FRIENDS, BUT NOT THAT CLOSE. AND NOW SHE'S GOING OUT WITH THE DISCOUNT VERSION OF ME! HONESTLY, I MEAN COME ON! THAT NIGHT AT THE YULE BALL SHE LITERALLY THOUGHT HE WAS HIM!" I yelled, shocking everyone. 

"James, if you really loved her, you would be happy for her. Happy she was dating Asa. Also, it was you that ditched Lily at the Yule Ball." Remus said quietly. 

"I LEFT HER BECAUSE- BECAUSE I - YOU CAN'T BLAME ME! SHE BROKE MY HEART BY PLOTTING WITH THAT GREASE BALL IN A RAGGED CLOAK AND YOU WANT ME TO BE SORRY?! IS THIS A GAME TO YOU? IS THIS ONE OF DUMBLEDORE'S LECTURES ABOUT LOVE? CAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M AT THE TIME WHERE "OH, TO BE YOUNG AND FEEL LOVE'S KEEN STING". I'M PERFECTLY HAPPY FOR HER. I'M PERFECTLY IN LOVE WITH HER AND I NEVER SAID IT DIDN'T HURT, OKAY?!" 

"There's no point in hating someone you love." 

I stood in angry and sad silence. I looked down, then up again as if I was going to speak, but no words came out. I looked down and tried not to tear up. I just walked over, head still down, to my trunk and pulled out a jumper with my name on the back, put it on (it was a bit snug) and crawled into bed, drawing the curtains and started thinking in the new pitch darkness. 

I hadn't even said anything to her and I felt like I hurt her. 

Remus was right, I should be happy. 

But at least she could've chosen some other bloke, not a boy I've known and trusted since I joined the Quiddich team in 3rd year. 

I'm such an internal control freak. 

Fuck. 

I should just be happy for her. 

I should be happy for her and Asa. 

I traced my finger of the small scars along my hand from the glass I shattered in my hand when I saw Lily and Asa and kept thinking. 

But I love her. 

That's the moral of the story. 

There's no point in hating someone you love. 

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author's note

hey guys! another chapter, be it a short one, but hey it's still a chapter. and I believe it's my first all James POV chapter. Sorry it's short and rushed. Also, sorry for the upload lag. 

ily you all! 

stay alive, 

margaret