Love Is Not Over {Editing}

Moving On

The light turns green and I cross the street and make my way towards the obnoxious blue-green apartments at the end of the block.

I walk up the single flight of stairs and knock on the door while taking out my earphones.

The door swings open and my mom widens her eyes before smiling.

"iHola Tina, que sorpresa! ¿Pero qué haces aquí? Es jueves, ¿no tienes clases hoy?" (Hi Tina, what a surprise. But what are you doing here? It is Thursday, don't you have class today?")

"Hola mamá, pues sí pero necesito un descanso. No me he sentido muy bien estos días pasados.." (Hi mom, well yes but I need a break. I have not felt very great these past few days)

I say giving her a quick hug and walking inside and sitting at the dining table.

"¿Qué pasó? ¿No me digas que te enfermastes? (What happened? Don't tell me you are sick?)

"No, físicamente estoy bien. Es que- pues.. terminé con Adán." (I am physically okay. But it is- well... I broke up with Adam).

She lets out a small "oh" before smiling at me warmly.

"Mija eso no es nada, pero ¿qué pasó con ustedes?" (That is nothing, but what happened?)

I begin telling her most of the details, leaving out the abuse and Adam putting his hands on me. At first I was embarrassed considering I am discussing my love and sex life with her but it was crucial for context.

Afterwards she narrows her eyes and gasps harshly.

"Esa rata de dos patatas no te merece. Es más, un hombre infiel y celoso como él es lo peor del peor. Tina, vas a sentirte mucho mejor sin él, te lo prometo. Ya sabes que nunca fuí super fanática de él, y ahora puedes enfocarte en tus estudios. Cuando estés lista buscate un gallan que te respete como una reina." (That rat does not deserve you. What's more, a disloyal and jealous man like him is the worst of the worst. Tina, you will feel much better without him, I promise. You already know I was never his biggest fan and now you can focus on your studies. When you are ready you can look for a gentleman who will respect you like a queen.)

I chuckle at her brutal honesty.

"Con eso me siento cómoda, gracias." (With that I feel at ease, thank you.)

We spend the rest of the day watching tv and I finally get the chance to eat her food again. Today she cooked pozole and the giant bowl sitting in front of me warms my soul, I could really use her comfort food.

I sprinkle in the cabbage, radish slices, dizzle in some hot sauce, and squeeze half a lime on top. I exhale deeply as the steam rises to my face. I dig in and the first bite instantly lifts my spirit. At that moment, I know I am happy and can breathe easily knowing that I will not have anymore toxic energy draining me from now on.

~~~

I decide on spending the night at my mom's place. We watched tons of Johnny Depp, her favorite actor, movies and I played board games with my niece too. My mom drove me back home Friday night, only after she had taken me grocery shopping and made sure I had food for the next week.

Saturday was spent indoors and I took the opportunity to catch up on all my assignments and readings. Luckily the workload was not too intense this week and I was able to complete everything that day.

It was now Sunday and I had woken up early to hit the gym. I did extensive back and arm exercises before relaxing in the sauna for fifteen minutes. Sitting in there with my eyes closed and feeling the sweat run down my skin had really cleared my mind and I was feeling much more optimistic now.

I was now back in my apartment, roasting vegetables and boiling rice for dinner.

I stare at my front door and open it hesitantly. I take a deep breath and walk over to Jimin's door. Realizing I could not avoid him forever, I figured it was time I build up my courage and explain myself.

I knock and anxiously await a response.

He opens the door and I barely give him time to react before I bombard him with my semi prepared speech.

"Jimin oppa! I am really really really sorry for being so distant and like absent the past few weeks. My mind and thoughts have just been all over the place and ahhhh I just needed to be by myself and think things over. But honestly I appreciate you checking in on me and being there even if I didn't let you physically be around me. It's not like I was avoiding you but like I thought if we hung out you would just end up being all cute and like I didn't need even more mixed emotions so yeahhh.. but thank you for offering. And umm I just cooked some dinner. Like it's nothing fancy. It's just a roasted veggie salad with avocado but if you have time do you want to come over and eat and like catch up and stuff."

I pause for a second.

"Wow I realize I just threw a lot at you, joesonghabnida" I apologize with a small bow.

He chuckles and gives me a hug "Goyangi welcome back. I am starving and can smell the sweet potato from here, let's go."