Love Is Not Over {Editing}

Butterfly

My eyes widen and an instant smile forms across my face.

"Chukhahaeyo (congrats) oppa! I'm so proud of you, I knew they would love you!"

"Gomawoyo (thanks), it means a lot."

"When do you start?"

"Mid-July. So in about a month. My lease is actually over at the end of June so that ends up working out."
"Yeah and if you need somewhere to stay for a few weeks, my bed is practically yours."

He looks over at me and beams with appreciation.

"You are the best."

The corner of his lips only curve upwards ever so slightly.

I lean in and grab his hand in my palms.

"Park Jimin, I know you well enough to notice that there's something else bothering you. You have this storm cloud look in your eyes, they aren't as bright as usual. I know that's partly because you are hungover but I'm sure there's more you need to tell me. Please, don't hold back. Please be honest with me.. And with yourself."

He nods in recognition and squeezes my hand.

"Jen, I- I love you. I love being around you and absorbing this beautiful energy you radiate. I love how easy it was to develop a friendship and how it was even easier falling in love with you. I thought I had built up a wall since my last relationship but ever since we started talking.. I saw myself pull it down brick after brick. I fell for you without even trying. I fell for your neverending optimism, I fell for your corny jokes, I fell for the fact that you dance to every song you hear, I fell for the way you sing out of tune in the shower, and I fell for how passionate you are about your studies. I fell for everything about you Jenna."

He reaches over and wipes the single tear from my cheek.

"Because I love you so much, I want to see you happy. I want to see you shine. I want to see you fly like the butterfly you are... And I don't ever want to hold you back. I saw what your last relationship did to you and how limited you were in that cage. I never want that for you, ever again..."

He pauses before glancing over, reading my expression.

I nod politely for him to continue.

"...And I know you are going to start your fourth year in the Fall. Which is super exciting! And from just going through that, your mindset changes. You realize that you need to take advantage of every opportunity presented your way. For you that could mean picking up an internship or tackling research or even studying abroad, there are so many possibilities. My point is.. that you need to make the most of your Senior year and I- I don't want to be in the way of any of that. I don't want to be the reason that you hold back on your personal or professional potential."

My mouth parts when my mind registers the significance behind his words.

"I care about you enough to think about the bigger picture.. I don't know what the universe has in store for us but I know it'll be a lot easier if we just went our separate ways for now. This was not an easy decision and I've thought about this over and over and over and over again. Trust me, this is.." his voice cracks.

"This is not ideal but it is realistic. For the both of us. And this doesn't mean that we have to stop talking completely or that I'll be keeping track of you from thousands of miles away. You don't need me to say this because it has always been a fact but, you are free to do as you please. Don't worry about me. As long as you are safe and happy, so am I."

My eyes sting and I feel my heart sink.

I cannot muster any words and simply stare at the ground beside me.

When I still have not responded, he embraces me and places my head in the crook of his neck. He leans back on the mattress to support my limp body and cradles me in his arms.

I painstakingly digest Jimin's remarks.

He was right. I did not know what lay ahead for me next year but I could not let go of any opportunity. Knowing how I was, if one of these opportunities interfered with my "Jimin time" then I would definitely second guess it or not pursue it at all. Ughhh why does he know me so well? I can't even deny it to him, much less, myself...

We also can't pretend that long distance would be easy. Given our packed schedules and the small sixteen hour time difference, squeezing in any time to talk would be difficult. If we are not officially in a relationship then it takes off the pressure and we can make time for each other if and when we want to. He's looking out for me and making sure I do what's best for me.

We lay in silence for an extended time as I process his words.

Just then, a curious thought forms. After some hesitation I find the courage to ask him.

"Oppa are you asleep?" I croak out.

"Anni, malhaeyo (no, tell me)."

"Did.. I..." my voice shivers.

"Did I hold you back this year?"

He raises my chin and holds it tenderly in his palm. Our lips meet and he holds my gaze until I furiously blink back tears.

"Not at all gongjunim, you helped me spread my wings."

{A/N: I'm not crying, you are😞}