Love Is Not Over {Editing}

Make It Right

{A/N: Jen revisits her childhood trauma. I admit it might not be scientifically correct but it is how she coped and maintained her sanity. I admit it might not be scientifically correct but it is how I coped and maintained my sanity.}

I turn onto my side and watch Jimin's chest rise with every breath as he sleeps peacefully.

He was truly a work of art.

And HOLY SHIT! We just slept together.

I can't control the huge smile that spreads on my face.

It was currently 3:26am and I could not fall asleep. I had dozed off for a few hours but I had awoken fifteen minutes ago and my mind was racing.

It was traveling 100 mph and I was overwhelmed with various emotions.

Knowing I would not be able to calm my thoughts, I decide to take a few melatonin tablets, hoping they can make me drowsy.

I slide out of the sheets with as little movement as possible.

I grab Jimin's shirt from the floor and some panties from my closet and walk into the restroom.
The sudden change in temperature and the lack of body heat gives me the urge to relieve myself.

I sit down and feel a painful stinging sensation.

"Ow" I groan out loud.

Just then, the sight of blood between my legs causes me to look down.

I gasp and my eyes widen.

My period was not set for another 10 days, what is going on!?

Wait.. was this-? Did he just tear my-? Was this much blood normal??

I quickly clean up and wash my hands before sitting on the edge of the tub.

I instantly feel warm tears stream down my face.

"Oh my god" I whisper.

I continue crying.

Crying because of the sight of blood.

Crying because I do not know what to do.

Crying because this is my response when I am feeling numerous emotions at once.

Crying because I am replaying the scenes from a few hours ago.

Crying because.. crying because I finally allowed myself to become emotionally and physically vulnerable with the right person.

Crying because it had been a beautiful moment.

Crying because I was truly happy.

My thoughts are paused by a small knock on the door.

"Jen? Are you okay in there?" I hear Jimin's sleepy voice from outside.

"Um *sniffle* um *sniffle* yeah just *sniffle*-"

Before I can finish, the door swings open and Jimin rushes in.

He immediately stops when he sees my current state.

His expression falls, his mouth parts slightly, and he lowers his head.

"Jen. No no no no no. Please don't cry.. No no I'm so sorry."

"Fuck! I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry" he shakes his head frantically from side to side.

He walks over and cradles me in his arms.

"I should have stopped, I'm- I'm sorry" his voice cracks.

I bring his chin up and gaze into his eyes warmly.

"Oppa anniyo, you didn't do anything wrong. These are happy tears. See" I smile at him.

"You are amazing and... you were incredible."

I break eye contact for a second realizing I said the last part out loud.

I clear my throat out of nervousness and hold back a grin.

"Don't worry, I'm just a bit overwhelmed and am trying to process everything. Honestly. Gwaenchanha."

His face softens and he exhales a huge sigh of relief.

I continue "I just- I'm just so relieved that it was such a mesmerizing experience. I never once felt panicked or unsafe and you just.. you really took care of me. And on top of that, this confirms that I was a virgin and you are the first person I have been intimate with.. in that way."

He tilts his head slightly in confusion "What do you mean?"

I sigh out loud.

"See..I was pretty young when 'that person' abused me. So I don't remember everything that happened. Like I don't even remember the exact age I was. I don't remember how many times it happened. Or for how long it went on. I just have a few bits and pieces of memories and that's how I know it happened... And so I guess.. all these years I was left wondering how far he went. Like I didn't know if I was a virgin because my memories are so patchy..and so that's why I was so scared of sleeping with someone. Because deep down I knew my heart would shatter into a million pieces if I had sex and it didn't hurt... because then it would mean that.. that.. That person had done really disgusting things...

But right now- tmi by the way- but I used the restroom and there was blood. Like lots of blood! And I'm not on my period- sorry- so that means my hymen just tore. Which means, which means. . ."

I try gulping back my cries but a second round of tears swim along my cheeks.

Jimin wipes them away and traces my chin with the back of his hand.

"..this means that even though I went through all of that. 'He' did not steal it from me. I still had that, I still owned that part of myself. And I got to decide who I shared it with. And I'm just so so so so so happy that I waited. And that I found the right person to share it with, because it was beautiful. You don't even know how relieved I am right now."

I look down at my hands and see them trembling.

Jimin reaches over and cups my hands in his.

"What you went through is awful and I can't even imagine how you feel. And I'm really sorry it affected you so much. I had no idea. If there is ever anything I can do to help you feel better then let me know and I'll make it happen."

He brings my hands up to his face and pecks both of them.

"Gracias amor, you already do so much for me and provide so much emotional support. I can't ask for anything else, you are already going above and beyond."

His eyes curve downwards in the cutest way possible as he smiles at me.

"And uh-" he pauses briefly and pushes his hair back with one hand "I hope that I um.. lived up to the hype and that you enjoyed it."

I giggle at his comment. "It was perfect. You were perfect."

"I just have to be sure, it seemed like you were in a lot of pain. I was scared of hurting you."
"I mean yeah it hurt like hell and it really only felt good towards the end when I started thrust-"

I do not dare finish the sentence, suddenly timid as I replay the moment in my mind.

He chuckles besides me "Jen, after what just happened, I don't think you should ever feel shy around me again. We can talk about it openly."

I feel the heat rush towards my cheeks.

"I need some time, it's only been a few hours and you know it was my first time having sex so-"

"Anni!" he exclaims and scrunches his nose in disapproval.

I look at him taken aback by his remark. "What's wrong?"

"Don't call it that!" he scoffs. "It wasn't just regular, meaningless 'sex.' I.. I made love to you. We made love."

If my face was warm before, it was burning up now.

He pulls my chin towards him and tenderly brushes my lips against his before grabbing my hand. We make our way back into the bedroom.

I lay my head on his chest and feel the warmth of his exhales as sleep embraces me.