She is the one

Part 31.

Jasmine's POV

Tears are rolling down my cheeks, you can nearly say that it's a river. Tear for tear I realize what actually happened rigth now. I lost the love of my life. Forever. Just because of this mistake I made. I should've told Shawn the truth right after it happened. But it's too late now. I messed everything up.
I walk up to the elevator as suddenly Aaliyah comes along my way.
- Hey Jasmine, is everything okay? - she asks me and looks at me with her cute puppy eyes.
- No, but that doesn't matter. I love you. Bye. - I say still crying and walk further into the elevator which opened.
- What, wait Jas... - she says but the elevator door closes and I can't hear all of what she's saying. I lean back against the wall and put my hands in front of my face.
I messed up. I FUCKING MESSED UP. Why did I do this? WHY?
The elevator door opens again and I grab my suitcase and walk out of the hotel. To be honest I really don't know what to do right now. I feel lost and helpless. Have you ever had the feeling to drown in your own sadness? I can't barely breath, it hurts so much.
The best thing to do right now is flying back home I guess. But I hate flying. And all of sudden I get a flashback from the day we flew to Paris. Shawn was holding me tight the whole flight long and told me that everything will be alright. He kissed my forehead almost every 2 minutes and I laid down my head on his chest. I felt ao safe, he's my safe place. Uhm sorry I mean he was my safe place. I still can't believe that we're not together anymore. There's no "us" anymore.
After about 2 minutes I come back to reality. I walk straight to the taxi which is standing at the street and ask the taxi driver if he's free, he tells me that he is. I go in and he starts driving to the airport as I told him.
I lean my head against the window and look at the street. I just see couples...they're holding hands, kissing and some of them also have little kids. I dreamed of a future with Shawn as well. I'm still thinking about it. How would it be to have a little daughter or son with Shawn?

• - Boys, dinner is ready! Are you coming? - I asks.
- But muuum, Daddy shows me how to play the guitar. Just 5 more minutes okay? - answers my son.
- Okay, but no longer or the dinner gets cold. - I chuckle.
- I love you darling! I couldn't dream of a better wife as you are. - Shawn shouts and I have to smile brightly. •

These are the best throughts, but it's not good to think about this anymore. It's not going to happen...I mean it will happen, but I won't be the mother of his children. And now tears are rolling down my cheeks even more.
- Lady? We arrived. - says the taxi driver.
- Oh, yes sorry. How much do I have to pay? - I say trying to pull myself together.
- Nothing. I guess you have more problems right now. I hope you'll get better soon. Have a nice day. - he says smiling slightly and I nod.
- Thank you. - I say quietly and grab my suitcase before I go out of the car. To be honest I'm already scared. As I said I hate flying. It's the worst thing to do ever.
I walk in and buy a ticket back to Toronto. I can't really think straight. After I signed in I take my seat in the plane and get ready for the flight. How can I be this broken even though I'm guilty? I put in my headphones and turn on some music. I close my eyes and get lost in my thoughts again. Memories cath me up and the pain takes away the air. I miss Shawn. I miss him so much.