The Diary Of a Gopika

Unspoken Phrases

Often when people ask me why did my heart choose you, I dodge their questions most of the time saying -

"Huh!! Who even likes that butter thief? That maayavi never leaves a chance to tease me, steals all my curd, makes me go restless with the sound of his flute & plays with my heart all the time. Forget about love, I actually enjoy seeing his helpless face when Yashoda maiyya twists his ears for all his mischief."

Anyways, no one buys that because the whole town knows it isn't the truth. Then what is?

Maybe I'll never admit openly about all these secret feelings that I hold for you in their most unadulterated form, to you or to anyone else because I believe few things are best left unexpressed. And also because my heart would never take even a single joke on its deepest felt emotions. These feelings are so precious, so personal, that I cannot bear anyone laying their muddy hands on them.

But in the parallel world, I choose to reveal a little of all the infinite things that I love about you. So here we go..

'It's the rare fusion that you are, of softness & strength that makes you most special.

The way you know when exactly a heart does the job & when a mind does it. Not many people are successful in mastering this art.

How you light up not just everything around you but even places & lives far away from you, simply by existing.

Most importantly, it's the way you sense a female heart. For how you worship femininity, the place women hold in your heart, the admiration you have for them, and that rage in your eyes on their slightest disrespect. It's how you never see women as mere shadows or dependents of men, never looked down at them, and always considered them to be beautiful & complete as they are. It is your definition of woman that I love the most.

Also, the motherly love that you possess for all the beings in the universe. Even for those creatures whose existence is not known to anyone.

How you never let public opinions touch you and always do what is right & needed at that moment. And the guts you got, to do the right thing even after knowing its consequences won't be in your favour but definitely be in the world's favour.

Krishna – your sweet name when heard or taken, both calms my inner self & erupts a volcano inside me all at the same time.

Also, for the forever mystery that you are.. because at times, I don't necessarily understand some of your sayings & actions, yet realise that they are extraordinary in many ways. The more I know you, the more I realise there is more to you.

It's how nature dances when you play the flute, hearts flutter when you smile, skies pour when you dance & the universe halts when you rest. You're truly a magician!!

For the ultimate prankster that you are, but how your cute pranks at times hurt but never harm. Losing anything to you feels like a huge huge win.

Finally, for everything that you are & everything that you are not.. I love you Krishna!! More than you could ever imagine & I could ever express!!'

Yet, let me be open here, the only thought that pricks me is -

Why did I have to fall in love with a nirmohi? The one who's never attached to anyone or anything, cannot give you enough time, has the whole wide world to look after, wouldn't stick to a single place all his life & could never reserve all his love just for me.

But then I tell myself, that love never finds reasons. Neither does it foresee consequences, nor choose on whom & where does it fall on. Who knows this better than you, that love flows unconsciously & not out of cause?

But one thing I'm always sure about is you reciprocate everyone's love with the same energy that they hold for you, never let anyone feel inferior or unloved even amidst a large crowd, and make each one of them feel like you are fully theirs' & only theirs'. How Kaanha?? Too much talent this is!!

And I'm sure even this isn't the complete and authentic version of yours'. This is just a fragment of what you have let me know about you.

For the world you are outwardly 'Manmohan' but deep inside you are a 'Yogeshwar' – who's beyond an average human mind.

Radhey radhey <3