The Diary Of a Gopika

Journey Of The Soul

As I opened my eyes, I didn't feel flesh & bones anymore. Everything around was pretty much the same except me. I felt so light, weightless – just like a peacock feather on your head.

Death – like everyone assumes it to be, is not a tail end or a dark man hole; it is a celebration. It is just a soul getting back to its love — The Divine. Our body & mind fears death, but our soul craves for it every second, to get back to your embrace – where it originally belongs to.

I could hear the same mysteriously beautiful sound from a distance, the only sound that guided me throughout my life & made even my soul dance – your flute. As usual, it dragged me undeniably towards the one playing it. The best thing is this time, I had no chores to attend, relations to bound, or boundaries to obey. All the invisible shackles around my soul are broken now. Just like a long caged bird flies up to the blue sky as soon as it's freed, flapping its wings in joy, I ran to you — the infinite!

There were no worldly noises around, all I could hear was the sound of your flute & my silver anklets that answered your tunes. As I ran further, the sound seemed clearer & closer. Of course this is not the first time I'm going to see you, yet I felt certain thrill & anxiety like never before. Because this time it's different, in so many ways that cannot be expressed.

And finally, after a long yet tireless marathon, I reached the tree which took shelter in you. What I saw there was definitely astonishing, but not unexpected. It's you, in your cosmic form — the one which even all the four Vedas combined couldn't describe completely. In your eyes I could see the skies, heavens, oceans, mountains, valleys, stars, galaxies & every creature that ever existed; in your hands I could see shankha, chakra, gadha & padma; in your heart I could see Radha in her Lakshmi form – shining like a Sharat Chandra; and in you, I saw Sahastra Suryas radiating all at once.

Probably, this is what Yashoda maiyya has witnessed that day, inside your little mouth. What an enthralling scenery!! I'm sure my human eyes could never hold the power to witness this & survive. Your timing is always perfect! Hey Paramaatma, this jeevatma is blessed today, to have witnessed your surreal form.

And the very next second, you were back in my favourite gwaala's form – dressed in a shiny silk pitamber, blue turban adorned with morpankh, the ever fresh garland dropping from your neck, white & red tridental mark on your forehead, and that all knowing smile – that's been beautifully haunting me all my life.

As I approached you, the fragrance of basil leaves from your garland made me go nostalgic. I sat near your feet and ardently looked at the wondrous wonder that you are, with utmost love & devotion in my eyes, trying to fill in your indescribably beautiful form inside me. Just like a bee drinks the nectar from a flower.

What a FINE MAN! As I look at you, I can only feel extremely proud of myself, for falling for a man like you, who in turn raised me from Maya to Moksha! Only you could, my maayavi, turn this otherwise monotonous journey into the most magical one.

I have so many questions to ask & many more confessions to make, but I choose not to disturb this beautiful vision before my eyes, that looked no less than a portrait. And as always, even before any wish reached my heart, it reached you.

So you gently opened your eyes and looked at me with an enchanting smile. Usually whenever you open your eyes, it seems like two neel kamals are blooming, but this time, your two eyes seemed like doorways to my eternal home — Goloka.

Radhey radhey!