The Diary Of a Gopika

Abhi na jao chod kar

Finally the day came, when your destiny demanded you to take few tough decisions that'll serve higher purposes. I heard things like - You were the eighth son of Devaki & Vasudeva, biggest nightmare of Kamsa, and destined prince of Mathura. All this didn't affect me as much as the fact that you leaving Vrindavan to never come back did. I felt as if my life was slipping away from me. With this thought, I couldn't resist myself and ran bare foot, as fast as I can, to get those last glimpses of you.

I found so many people gathered there, near Nand Baba's haveli. That haveli, which always looked like a Devasthana, now seemed just like a piece of lifeless structure.

Yashoda Maiyya was breaking into pieces with extreme pain, while still feeding those last scoops of butter to you. Nand Baba miserably failed at trying to hide his vulnerable side, and ended up crying like a baby. All Braj vasis were weeping their hearts out, not knowing how to stop you from leaving.

And when I saw Balram Daau, I could read from his eyes that he's not letting you go alone, and decided to accompany you no matter what lies ahead. I always envied Daau for how fortunate he was, to have you around all his life. But before you take pride in this, let me remind you that you're equally blessed to have found a brother like Balram Daau in your life, who takes everything upon himself, starting from little blames -to- life threats, before they reach you.

And when I finally managed to get that one glimpse of yours' from the little gaps between those innumerable pagdis & pallus, I was taken aback by what I witnessed that day. I didn't see my carefree gwaala there. What I saw was one determined leader, who understands how his previous version won't serve in the upcoming phases of his journey, as he knows what life has in-store for him.

I just wanted to fill your form in every vein of mine as much as I can, so that I never run out of you for the rest of my life.

In all these days, between loving, laughing & living with you, the least I could sense is -

'You are not that playful gwaala who steals butter, plays flute, does magic at times, and roams around the streets of Braj ruling everyone's hearts. That's just a fragment of what you have shown us, but you're not just what you look & seem, but so much more than that - May be beyond the limits of my vision. If there's a place where the human mind cannot travel, you are right there.'

I understand that you have to leave. You are in for bigger things in your life and your purpose won't be served if you continue living here. But even after realising that all this is only for the welfare of the world, and to stop you here would be nothing but a great sin against mankind, the weakest part of my heart still screamed - "mat jaao na!"

Only if one wish of mine would be granted, I would've begged the universe to stop you from leaving Vrindavan or give me death.

I didn't dare to look at Radhey, for she would have been broken beyond repair. If this was our state, what would be hers'? Her pain was so painful even to imagine. But to my utter surprise, a divine calm occupied her face. As if she knew you can never leave her, for her heart is your forever residence. No force in all the three worlds is powerful enough to take you away from her. When she is you & you are her, separation was just another word for both of you. I bowed down to her internally, for the nth time, amazed by the nobility of her love. After looking at her, a bit of her infinite calm touched me too, as I realised, Radhey — the other you, would still be around us.

Between all those screams & cries and blessings & goodbyes, I passed on a silent message to you.

Radhey radhey!