The Diary Of a Gopika

The Aftermath

From the moment you left, a strange darkness occupied Vrindavan. We very well knew it's only this dark boy's existence that has brought all the lights & colors in Vrindavan. It's your presence that made it exceptional, which otherwise was just another small town.

The lanes that were once filled with dropped flowers are now full of dried leaves; your favourite parijatas aren't richly aromatic like before; peacocks never danced again the way they did in your presence; Holi - the most awaited festival of Braj, didn't excite us anymore; chirping of birds that used to sound divine now seem like wails; everything around seems lifeless, clueless & meaningless.

We Gopis, who used to get super annoyed when you stole our butter, now filled all available pots with fresh maakhan, milk, curd, and waited the whole day for you to come and take all of us too, along with those matkis. Crazy us, we thought you can never resist maakhan. Though our minds knew the truth, our hearts refused to agree that our boy is not that Gokul ka Gwaala anymore. He's now the Prince of Mathura. What would you do with this plain butter now, made by an ordinary milkmaid, when you get to have delicious chappan bhog everyday?

Excuse me for all the taunts, for the pain of virah has taken over me & I can see nothing beyond it.

Your Radhey spent hours sitting like a mute doll in places where you both spent most of the time. Her state without you, was like a morpankh without its colors. Though she experienced extreme pain in your separation, she never shed a tear after you left, because that's what you asked her as a last promise. Right???

" Radhey, this will be so cruel of me to ask something like this at this moment, but please do promise me that you will never shed a tear post my departure. Your Kaanha can tolerate an ocean of misery but not a single drop of tear from his radhey's eyes. Never let this kohl melt into tears and touch your cheeks, radhey. Promise??? "

Ohh Kaanha! What kind of a last wish was that even? The poor one held everything inside her heart & never let her pain melt into tears, for her tears shouldn't block your path in establishing Dharma. Because she knows, her Krishna can lift mountains, gulp fire balls & fight a poisonous snake effortlessly with a smile, but cannot stand even the slightest scar on his Radhey's heart.

Only she held the power to stop you from leaving Vrindavan, just with a headshake, and you would have never moved from this place for your entire life. But she never did! Her love was NEVER meant to bound you, command you, or stop you from doing anything that results in the welfare of mankind. Infact, her love was all about surrender, setting free, and giving strength & solace in your distress.

Radhey's love was as vast as an ocean, whose waves touch and benifit each & every being on this planet. She loved them all - who loved you, as much as she loved you! May be that's the reason why seeing her love for you, made me love you even more.

She used to talk in nothingness - to trees, rocks, lakes & mountains. She looked delusional to the world but we all knew you were actually there, and only she could see. Because Gopala Krishna might have left Vrindavan, but Radha's Krishna never did.

I used to sit beside Radhey silently for long long hours. Her aura was like a magical herb that healed every creature who surrounded her. I always felt your existence around her. For me, Radhey was always you, Kaanha!

You know, I keep visiting all those places you wandered with the cows & cowherd boys often to feel your presence around every corner. I can hear every blade of grass screaming your stories & leelas with invisible tears. They enveloped every sign of yours' inside their adobe, and cherished them for eternity.

Kaanha, in all these days what I realised is :

Vrindavan existed before you came in, Vrindavan will continue to exist even after you left, but Vrindavan truly lived, only when you were here.

Hmm... filling everything up with my pain & self, I so sound like a self obsessed teenager. But trust me when I say I was equally delighted when I got to know about your victory over the evil Kamsa. This is just a start though, my instinct says you'll fight & win many more battles in coming days.

Congratulations on your first win, though you won all of us much much before. Heard Mathura ke praja are already soo in awe with you? It's hardly been few days right? But as I say : 'My boy is always a king, with or without a crown'.

Radhey radhey <3