The Diary Of a Gopika

The Raasa Leela

" Dearest Gopis, I'll forever be indebted to you for the selfless love & devotion you all shower me with. I can never ever reciprocate with anything that can match the highness and purity of your love. In every pair of eyes here, I see nothing but me. You crazy women, please know that your Krishna is equally crazy for you, and loves you back as much as you do.

On this auspicious night, when the moon is in its complete form – all your prayers will be answered, desires will be fulfilled, scars will be healed, and ultimately, all the emptiness in your hearts will be filled with love.

Few foolish mouths will wrong you, shame you & blame you for listening to your hearts today. The same mouths will also call me with different names that you won't be pleased to hear, for I was the one who assembled you all here. But what is the beauty of that love, that doesn't break the barriers, challenge the boundaries, melt the shackles, and surpass every hurdle that comes its way.

Let them call this gathering with whatever names they want, because the highness of this occasion cannot be understood by low minds. Only the ones who are present here and the ones who are blessed, can sense that this event is a 'Union of Souls' and has absolutely nothing to do with anything physical.

Never bother, it's your day today! Dance your hearts out under this full moon sky, leaving everything behind in such a way that your jeevaatma merges into my paramaatma, ultimately leading us to become one!"

Ohh my Krishnaa! Your words sounded like divine music to my ears. I cannot help but bow down to your definition of love.

And then, you played the world's most alluring melodies on your flute, to which all our anklet bells answered in a rhythm. We all were dancing around you & Radhey, just like planets revolve around the Sun.

At once, a deep desire to dance with you hit all our hearts like a wave. And as always, even before our thoughts reached us, you heard them. And as promised, you satisfied all our desires at once, by taking innumerable forms.

I don't know if you actually went on to multiply yourself, or it's just me who was imagining you everywhere out of my peak joyousness. There were as many Krishnas as there were Gopikas. Everyone felt as if you were dancing with them, only them, and everything else gradually disappeared.

It was only you and me, lost in each other's eyes;

you were holding my ghaghra's veil & I was clutching on to your kurta;
you were tucking in my hair strands & I was fondling your morpankh;
you were adjusting my nose pin & I was playing with your earrings;
you cupped my face & I rested my head on your chest.

We were twirling, swinging, clapping & jumping while holding hands together. I danced my heart out leaving everything behind – every memory, concern, identity; in fact every single sign that connected me to this human body.

That night, that very moment, I saw my existence completely dissolving into yours'. For the very first time, I felt you were indifferent to me. Ahh! What a night it was!!

How can I ever forget those moments? That day, you played with my chunri, touched my cheeks, loosened my plaits, adorned me with flowers, and held my hands in yours' like you would never let them go. I felt every ounce of your presence on my soul. I'll never be able to describe the kind of warmth that flowed out of my heart on that cold night.

Amidst all this, we got a glimpse of very special gopika – her features seemed masculine, but her moves & heart seemed peak feminine. It seemed as if Mahadev had taken a female form just to participate in this divine dance. And after all, one has to be a female to experience love in its purest form. Because only a female heart can surrender itself completely to the beloved without an ounce of ego or superiority, for stree is another name of samarpan.

It seemed like that one night lasted for so many years, or probably decades, or even yugas. Maybe, we went beyond time & space into the world of 'Krishna Maya'.

I felt that moment, that very night was the only truth, and rest everything life held was nothing but mere illusion. I never wanted that one night to end. Ever. For that matter, who would even get enough of being YOU?

But it did. On opening my eyes, I found myself inside those same four walls that failed to trap my soul.

I felt wholesome! A feeling like never before. My face had a spark of relief, my eyes had tears of contentment, and my lips had the widest smile ever. It felt as if my inner crops were watered, forever!

Nothing could ever touch my soul the way you did Kaanha, and nothing ever will. Thank you would be a small word but still, THANK YOU! For that one hauntingly beautiful night, whose memories will forever be imprinted on the soul of this Gopika.

Let me make one honest confession here – You are the finest dancer ever! Even we all gopikas put together couldn't match your grace.

Between, did I mention? The next morning at the Yamuna ghat while fetching water, I heard a voice, or maybe I imagined? It was yours, that said - "Suno, love looks beautiful on you!!".

You should have seen the tomatoes blooming on my face then, and even now while writing this. No one has ever said such enchanting words to me. I'm sure it was you, though you would anyway deny.

Oh the effect you have on me Kaanha.. uff!!

...

'ना रोक पाए शरीर के द्वार,
और ना ही घर के चार दीवार।
मैं आ ही गई बांसुरी की धुन के संग,
प्रेम से रंगने, हरी के रंग।'

Radhey radhey <3