In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

03 - trust me

T I M O T H É E

Somehow I find her tangled in my arms. The sun rays that enter through her window shine bright on her brown waves, making them appear golden. My chin rests gently on her head and I get a good whiff of her coconut scented shampoo which forms a small grin on my face.

She's fast asleep.

I can tell because her breaths are steady and soft. She's finally at peace with herself. As she rests her head on my chest and her legs wrap around my body intertwining us together, I know she's in a state of pure tranquility. Because no chaotic thought or memory can bother her right now.

I tell myself everything is going to be okay. Last night, she pulled back again. I thought I had her. I was kissing her and it felt like it always did, it felt good. But then she pulled away and I can't understand it. I can't absorb why she keeps holding back.

But I'm going to find out.

I lift up my arm, which is slightly numb and I rest it on her head. I caress her brown locks and place tender kisses on her hair. She doesn't stir awake yet, she still lays on me ever so peacefully so I decide to let her be.

It's rare that I get to see her like this, without a care in the world. Without a painful thought to endure or a bad memory to ruin her mood. Instead she seems serene and unbothered and I can't help but wish that's how she'd be all the time.

But I know it's a dumb thing to wish for. I know that if I were in her shoes, with her painful past and her sorrowful present it would be hard for me to form a smile too.

She stirs awake, her head lifts off of my chest slowly and she turns over to look at me. A bundle of brown waves cover her face so I reach out and push the hairs away, revealing her sleepy blue eyes and her plump pink lips.

I want to kiss the freckles on her face, every single one of them. But I refrain from doing so because I don't want to be rejected again. I'm still recovering from last nights rejection. 'Good morning.' She mumbles, her voice tired and groggy.

I smile at the sound of her half-asleep and I watch her lay her head back on my chest and wrap her arms around me tightly. Her eyes flutter closed again and I can't help but let out a chuckle.

'Good morning love. We have a whole day ahead of us come on.. get up.' I don't know what we have ahead of us, I don't know what I'm going to do but what I do know is that I can't keep listening to her anymore.

I can't keep complying everytime she tells me she wants to go home and stay in her bedroom because I know she needs to go out. I know she needs to live again and see what she's missing out on. Her eyes squint open and she groans at me. 'Baby please don't do this to me. I'm happy the way we are. Having you here.. it's all I need. Really.'

I shake my head at her, avoiding her puppy dog eyes. 'As much as it warms my heart to see how much you value my company, you need to stop doing this. The bedroom can't be your sanctuary anymore. You need to find yourself again, you need to leave this apartment.' She lifts herself off of me and sits up instead.

I feel her absence and I want to pull her back into me, I want to lay beside her for a few more minutes but I know it's no good for her. She needs to leave her comfort zone, and I need to be the one that makes sure she does that.

She runs a frustrated hand through her hair and then she looks back at me, and I can almost feel her letting down her walls. 'Yeah.. and how exactly am I going to be able to do that?' She asks raising her eyebrows at me.

To be honest, I don't know how she's going to find herself. Only she can do that, only she can bring back the Ella that I feel madly in love with. I can help her, and I can guide her onto the right path. But it's all up to her in the end. And I have faith she'll return to me.