In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

38 - a few bucks short

E L L A

'That'll be seventy five dollars please' I force a smile on my face before nodding my head and pulling out all the cash I have in my wallet. I find that I have exactly sixty two dollars and fifty cents left in my tiny little wallet. My hands tremble, my eyes start to water and I feel so fucking pathetic standing here right now.

The employee watches me look for more money in my wallet that I know isn't even there. 'Just give me a sec.' I mumble desperately looking through my purse, trying to find anything. Literally any money I could get my hands on that I could give to him.

After checking my purse, my wallet and my pockets several times the cashier pushes the item back towards me. 'I'm sorry but I can't sell you it unless you pay for the item in full.'

I want to say something to him, anything. But no matter what excuse I come up with in my head I know I'll sound like an absolute loser if I say it out loud right now. I've been looking for a gift for my uncle all day long. Every store I went to had the simplest of items for at least 100 bucks. Things were so expensive because everyone was out buying last minute Christmas presents.

I stumbled upon a store that said it had a fifty percent sale going on and I thought I could afford this decent looking wallet which was the cheapest one I've seen so far but I'm an idiot for thinking I had enough money left to buy it for Uncle Rob. If me and Aaron split it it would only cost me about 38 bucks, but considering Aaron said he was going to pay his share later I'm stuck paying for the whole thing right now.

After dad stole the squirrel fund last month we've been tight on money. Me and Aaron split the work between eachother. I use the money I make from my job at the cafeteria to pay for groceries and any essentials that we need in our apartment and in my dorm with Soph. Aaron focuses on paying the bills and the rent with his own money and so far it's been working. Kind of.

We aren't at all stable or comfortable financially. But at least we're surviving. That's still something to be thankful for. 'Miss please leave, and you can come back when you've got enough money to pay for this. We don't have all day.' I swallow down the tears I want so badly to let out.

I'm not one to cry about these things. I'm also not one to cry in public at all. But my whole body heats up and my vision blurs as my eyes turn glassy and my throat dries up painfully from the embarrassment I feel. I nod my head sorrowfully at the man as I grab my money and shove it right back in my wallet where it belongs. The employee watches me with pity as I grab the item I was about to buy so I can put it back in its rightful spot on the shelf.

I leave my place in the line letting the people behind me have their turn. My lip quivers as I head towards the aisle where I found the wallet. As I'm searching for it's rightful place through blurry tear filled eyes a figure approaches me and I look down in fear that the stranger will catch sight of me like this. I hate vulnerability. Especially around people I don't know.

But as I turn to hide my face the stranger speaks up. 'El?' His voice. It startles me. It's so familiar. I would hold onto the sound of his voice every time he uttered any word to me at all. It brought me peace, it brought me sorrow, it showed me love, it showed me pain. That voice was way too familiar.

I wipe aggressively at my eyes then I look up to find just the person I was expecting that voice to belong to. 'What are you doing here?' I ask in complete shock. Just this morning I'd called him. Just this morning Aaron had told me he was spending Christmas in California. Just this morning I was saddened over his loss.

So how was he here right now?

Is this a dream? An illusion? Am I picturing him here because that's how badly I miss him? Because that's how badly I want to be back in his arms again, safe from all harm.