In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

07 - too soon

E L L A

I don't know how I got behind the wheel without a proper licensee but I did. I sat in Lola's driver seat confidently and I lead the way. Aaron only took me out to practice driving a total of four times in a course of maybe 10 months, yet I still felt calm and collected sitting behind that steering wheel with Timmy in the passenger seat looking distressed.

Maybe it's because I was so desperate to get us back home and far away from my old house and and my father as possible, or maybe it was because Timmy's face was so badly bruised and his lip was so cut up that it hurt to even look at him for far too long without my heart churning.

I don't know which it is but I do know that i'd rather focus my attention on the road ahead than on his face. His battered up face was building up anger inside of me that I was trying my best to control.

I didn't want to lose it like he did today. I needed to keep my cool.

I drove calmly even whilst my heart was thumping harshly in my chest. I drove calmly even though his knuckles looked like absolute hell as they rested his hands on his lap. And I drove calmly because I just had to get us home safely.

I pull up to the familiar gate. I had no clue how to park the car so I awkwardly stopped at the side of the road. We don't speak for a long moment and I can feel Timmy's eyes on me, burning with so much intensity and fear. So I choose to break the eerie silence that lingered between us and I cleared my throat. 'It'll be okay.' I utter, and I don't know why I say this. Because what just happened definitely wasn't okay. Nothing about that was okay. Because it scared me when he wouldn't stop punching my dad with all his might and it scared me when I saw my dad aggressively fighting him back. I thought one of them was going to get badly hurt and I sure as hell didn't want it to be Timothée.

I wouldn't know what to do with myself if something bad happened to him... because of me.

Timmy sniffles beside me. 'I'm so sorry.' He blurts out seeming to be on the verge of tears. His voice cracks and my tired heart hurts as I turn around to finally face him. Once he locks eyes with me I can't help but look away from him, unable to hold his gaze for much longer. 'I should have stopped myself before it went too far.' He admits and I nod slowly in agreement.

'Yeah. You should have.' I reply angrily. 'Timmy you didn't have to do that for me. So what he called me a slut? So what he slapped me? That's who he is Timothée.. I thought you knew that already. I thought you could handle it.'

I watch him burry his face in his palms. He runs his hands through his hair and then he leans back in his seat letting out an aggravated sigh. 'I knew he was bad Ella, and I thought I could handle him too. But seeing him look so smug after he slapped you across the face like that after he fucking insulted you like that... it enraged me.'

I shake my head. 'You see.. this is why I told you to stay in the car. I knew you'd get hurt. I knew he'd push your buttons somehow and you wouldn't know how to walk away.' I can't help the frustration I feel. I'm mad at him for doing that. I'm mad at him for getting himself hurt and I'm mad at myself for bringing him along. I should have done this on my own, like I always did when it came to my dad. 'God Timmy, do you even see your face right now.. was this all really necessary?!'

I look towards the window, my eyes focusing on the empty sidewalk beside me. The only good thing I got out of doing this was finally feeling relief. Seeing my dad in the same sad state he was in before I left him, with his bottles of alcohol and his unkempt hair and his uncontrollable temper. It was all a relief to me because I finally realized that I'd won.

I left him. I made a life of my own. Me and Aaron are thriving by ourselves. Yeah some things happened that I'm not proud of and I lost and gained my best friend in the process of it all and Drew's dead because of his step fathers sick ways, but I'm still living and I need to cherish the second chance I was given because I might not get one like it ever again.