In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

15 - that rare love

E L L A

Who would've thought my first week of college would actually be a fucking blast?

Definitely not me.

I expected to be entering some unknown universe. A jungle full of wild animals that are ready to prey on me and tear me apart the moment they lay their eyes on me. But instead things have gone pretty smoothly here at NYU. I've fallen in love with the classes I'm taking and I've met quite a lot of genuinely nice people here. Me and my roommate even hit it off once her boyfriend Syd and my brother left us alone to talk. We actually got to know eachother, and we went to a party the first night we moved into our dorm. We drank just about enough to get a little bit tipsy before we bailed and went back home to prep for our classes the next day.

I still don't know everything about Sophia, but I know enough about her to like her. She's a go getter, she's someone that's extremely positive and confident in herself. Not once has she ever put herself down in the short time span that I've known her. Whereas all I've been doing lately is doubting myself.

When we go to parties I'll spend hours digging through my small selection of clothes and hating everything I put on whilst she simply puts on a shirt and jeans and calls it a day.

When we make it to those parties I complain about how nervous I am at making a bad first impression but she'll simply put on a smile and everyone will find her extremely approachable. But that's because she is approachable. She has this irresistible aura that pulls people towards her. She knows she's hot and she isn't afraid to show it and I'm not like her. I don't feel good enough about myself to just put a smile on and expect everyone to like me and find me approachable as well.

I don't find myself that likable at all.

It's our fourth party this week and as I look at myself in the mirror Sophia enters the bathroom with a scowl on her face. 'Don't tell me you don't like that on you?' She says looking me up and down. This was natural now. Her entering our shared bathroom and me leaving it unlocked for her to walk into whenever she pleases.

I'm never naked when she enters though, I make sure of that because I don't want her catching a glimpse of a still healing bite mark or a burn left by my father. But to be honest I don't really think I'll care if she sees one of my marks. Sophia is the assertive type. She finds good in everything. She doesn't judge and she definitely doesn't care about looks or little scars and marks on a persons body. But just because I wouldn't mind her stumbling upon one of my marks doesn't mean I'll blatantly show her them without reason or context.

I'm not that fearless.

In few months when we've known eachother for a longer time and we've developed a close bond I'll tell her all about my scars and my past which I so gladly left behind me. But right now isn't a good time. Plus, there's a party we're heading to and I don't want to kill the mood. 'Is it good?' I ask eyeing myself in the mirror for a little bit too long until I start to hate what I'm wearing.

I was in a maroon colored v-neck that I matched with some baggy black leather pants. I added some accessories along with my butterfly necklace that Timmy gave me and I had on some black sneakers. I'm not normally a v-neck type of girl but I decided to be spontaneous like Sophia today and try something new, maybe show a little cleavage. Not too much though. I just don't know if the look suits me. I love fashion, and I like taking my time picking the clothes I wear, but I don't know about this. I don't know if it'll give people the right impression.

'No Ella it's not good, it's fucking amazing. Don't you see how hot you look?' She says this with so much assurance in her voice that I can't help but almost believe her.