In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

13 - second thoughts

T I M O T H É E

I didn't want to say goodbye.

So I chose not to say anything at all.

Even though I knew this day was coming, I couldn't prepare myself for how it would truly feel to be leaving everyone behind.

Alex came by bright and early this morning to give me the tightest hug he'd ever given me. The hug was almost painful, but I powered through it and I held back tears.

It wasn't sad at all, in fact it was a hug that meant good luck out there buddy, you'll be missed. But nothing more than that. Nothing else. There were no tears shed, no goodbyes said either. He simply punched my arm playfully before heading back into his car like nothing was going to change between us, like we were still going to be bros for life. I almost believed the act he put on until I really took notice of him.

He didn't know this, but I saw the way his shoulders slouched once he sat down in his car, and the way his hands trembled slightly as he twisted his key into the ignition. Before he drove away he looked at me through the window and his eyes were glassy with what looked like tears.

That was definitely not the best way to start off a morning.

But next up came my parents.

They wanted to see my off at the airport but I told them that would just make this a lot harder for us than it needed to be. So they both simply sat with me once they woke up in the morning and my mom made me some pancakes for breakfast, but I didn't have much of an appetite to actually eat them.

My dad kindly carried my stuff to the car so I took it as a chance to pull my mother into my arms and hold her close. She wasn't crying the way I expected her to be. I knew she was strong, but I thought that maybe this would be hard for her. But it seems nothing's hard for her at all.

She took it like a champ. She gave me one of those bright smiles that truly showed how proud she was of me. And then she made me laugh. 'Don't do drugs.' Were the first words that left her mouth once we pulled away from eachother and I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. 'And make good friends, a bad crowd will only make college life harder.' I nodded, but I couldn't say much to her after that.

I knew that if I spoke I'd cry, and I didn't want to ruin this moment so I just kept my mouth shut as she told me how much she loved me. My mother gave me a long kiss on the cheek before she let me walk over to my car. I'm faced with my father now, who already has a set of tears staining his cheeks before we even say our farewells.

It shouldn't be this hard to say goodbye to them, but it is because my parents are more than just my guardians. They're also my best friends, my heroes and my inspirations. They love me more than anything in this world and I couldn't help but reciprocate that same love back to them. But I tried to stay positive right now by reminding myself that I'll be back by thanksgiving and hopefully time will pass by quickly till then.

My father gives me one of those bear hugs that doesn't last long but has the right amount of love in it to make you never want to pull away. 'Be good.' He says to me. 'You're always good but stay good. I don't want a different Timmy coming back in a few months, I want the same you to come back. The same boy that I spent all my time raising.'

I manage a simple nod. My eyes are misty and my father can see that so he ruffles up my hair a little and sends me a somber smile. 'I love you.' He tells me, and his words are loud and clear.

I know I can't leave without saying it back to him so I try my best to get it out of me. 'Me too dad.' I mumble. 'Me too.' My voice cracks, and I can't hold back my tears for much longer, I can't hold back the wave of emotions that are about to erupt from me so I simply send my mom a small smile and then I nod at my dad before stepping into my car.