In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

04 - pursuit of happiness

E L L A

We're at the arcade.

The same arcade he took me to on our first date, the same arcade we spent countless of hours in when we were just children when there was no pain hanging over our dreary restless hearts.

It's truly calming.

Although the loud music and sound effects can be quite overwhelming at times, as well as the bright flashes of light in the pitch black darkness. Watching Timothée play, it was something I didn't know I needed.

The way he focused all of his attention on the screen, the way his eyes would squint sometimes and his lips would curl upwards into a grin every time he'd score a point. It was all very refreshing.

He tried his best not to rage every time his screen displayed a colorful text that read 'GAME OVER' and I admired his strong efforts. But I could tell how badly he wanted to punch the buttons or the screen every time he lost a game but he refrained from doing so and instead he'd send me a painful smile to reassure me it was all okay.

He was competitive, and I loved that about him. I even found myself grinning when he started dance battling himself in a short round of Dance Dance Revolution. I shook the grin off my face as soon I realized it was there though, because it just felt wrong.

Lately it always feels wrong for me to feel any sort of happiness. It should be Drew enjoying the little moments life, it should be him in my place living out the rest of his teenage years and growing old with someone who can value him and love him better than I ever could have done.

It shouldn't be me here right now. With the boy I love, with a smile on my face and laughter bubbling up inside of my stomach. I shouldn't be enjoying this.

Drew should.

Timmy's voice brings me out of my deep thoughts. 'Dance with me Ellie. Come on! You don't want your boyfriend looking like a total loser out here do you?' He raises his eyebrows at me, still dancing but focusing less on the screen and more on me.

I shake my head at him. 'You wish Chalamet.' I scoff. 'You can embarrass yourself all you want but I'm not dancing with you.' I start to walk away, heading for a different game. One that does not require me to dance in front of strangers but his hand grasps my arm, stopping me from getting anywhere.

'Now where's the fun in doing that?' He says and he then he slowly lets go of my arm. 'Live a little... please?' I look around, there's a younger couple a few feet away from us invested in a game of Pac-Man and a group of little boys gathered around a video game that involves guns.

They don't seem to be paying us much attention and Timothée's puppy dog eyes are always the hardest to resist so I give in. Even when my mind keeps telling me to walk away my body defies me and I'm walking onto the miniature dance floor and positioning myself beside him so I'm ready to play.

Timothée's smiling at me, and I feel my face heating up. 'I bet you can't beat me.' He smirks deviously, and I can tell he's challenging me with his eyes. I've seen that look on many people before and I feel like my old self again, I view this as a competition and I picture myself back at school on the soccer field with a soccer ball between my feet and a goal I have to reach before someone snatches it from me.

I let go of my worries for a moment and I turn to face him as the game counts down from three. I wait for him to catch my eye and once he does I allow myself to form a mischievous grin. 'Bring it on.'  The game starts, and he turns away from me. It's a little bit faster than I expect and in the first few seconds Timothée's beating me at the game.