In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

36 - the destroyer of lives

E L L A

It's two in the morning. I'm wide awake. And that's not an unusual thing for me lately.

I haven't gotten much sleep these past few days. I hear sirens ringing loudly outside my window and a few kids are stumbling in the hallway, slurring their words in a drunken frenzy. It's a familiar sound. It reminds me of Drew. I almost smile at the thought of Drew.

He drank a lot, but he laughed a lot too. He had the saddest eyes, but he knew how to brighten up everyone's day. The thought of him used to make me want to fucking cry my eyes out, but all I can do now is hope that he's happier. Because I really do need him to be alright up there, in heaven.

He didn't deserve to go the way he did.

My phone buzzes continuously on my nightstand. I have it on mute because I share the dorm with Soph, and because no one really calls me anymore so there's no reason for me to be alert of who's contacting me. I don't have many friends. I still talk to the twins and Joel whenever I bump into them but we don't text or call much. My brother Aaron just shows up at my dorm whenever he needs me and well... Timmy is no longer apart of my sad old life anymore.

So I ignore the phone for a while. Not really caring who it is because it's not like I have many people left to care about. Then I think it could be Aaron in need of help, or bearing some really bad news so I reach out for the phone instinctively and the picture flashing on my screen leaves me in a state of pure shock.

The picture disappears. I'm staring at a blank screen now. A notification on my phone reads

*Missed call from Noe💛*

I blink a few times to make sense of it. I must be dreaming. Maybe I'm in a weird haze given the lack of sleep I've gotten these past few days. That has to be it. Just a dream. I put the phone down but it starts to ring again and this time I pick up immediately.

'Hello?' I say harshly into the phone.

I don't know if I'm mad at her or just confused because me and Noelle haven't spoken in months. We texted on and off at the start of both of our college journeys, we saw eachother maybe two times but a few weeks in we lost touch.

I thought I still had her. That even though we didn't text everyday I could still call her when I was in need of her and have her by my side. I was wrong to think such absurd thoughts. When Miles stole our money I left her a voice mail. When my dad died I tried to call. When I broke up with Timmy I shot her a simple text just saying hello, fearing that if I drove straight into my conflicts she might run the other way.

I texted her a couple of times to check up on her too, but she kept leaving me on read so I just gave up at some point. I didn't blame her for it though, because people move on from eachother and I knew it would end up happening to us.

But I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

There's silence on the other end of the line but then Noelle's quiet voice could finally be heard. 'Hi.' It was just one word that she said, one simple word but for some reason I wanted to throw a fit and scream out every word I'm thinking about her right into the phone speaker. I don't know where all this anger towards her is suddenly coming from but I can't control it.

I look over to find Sophia dead asleep on her bed and I'd feel horrible if I woke her up so I keep my voice as quiet as possible. 'Do you need something?' I ask. And it's so sad that I have to ask that, but it's all I can come up with right now. Why else would she call me at two in the morning? Why else would she want to hear from me?