Tranquility In Havoc

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Hill of Truth

During the ride, with only the soft music playing on the stereo and our little movements...I realized and finally have my answer why I'm acting this way towards him. Although the silence between us is still awkward but I felt content. Kontento hindi sa awkwardness pero sa pagkakataong, katabi ko siya. It seems like the first time I rode in his car when we were teenagers. He was eighteen, and I was sixteen.

Awkward but contented. Uncomfortable but still satisfied. I don't know if it's logical but that's how I'm feeling.

My brain is waving a red flag. What's happening in my system must be stopped or else... I'll be the wolf again in winter. Broken and miserable. Abandoned and alone.

During those two months of not seeing him, there's this emotion within me that I don't want to name but I just can't deny. Nasalisihan niya ako...that ride from Azure Resort, may itinanim pala siya sakin nang di ko napapansin. And those two months with only his daily delivery of twigs, that's his way of watering the seed and now...the seed grow. It finally sprouted.

The plant is the emotion called, longing. I longed for him. I missed him.

And I'm scared. Just like how history repeats, the love I thought is dead is all along sleeping and now, awake.

Red flag. I'm in danger once more. Ano ang gagawin ko?

What to do when I'm afraid?

What did I do when I was scared of the sea?

Huminto ang kotse sa pamilyar na gate. Napatuwid ako ng upo saka takang nilingon si Tyler na sa harap lang nakadiretso ang atensiyon.

"Why are we here?" I asked in confusion.

Bumuntong hininga ito. "Hinahatid kita."

I gaped at him and looked at our gate again. "Sinabi ko bang ihatid mo ako?"

Lumingon ito sa'kin sa mga pagod na mga mata. Pagod siya? San? Bakit? Sakin?

He gently shook his head and sighed again. "I thought you wanted me to drive you home." Mahina nitong sambit.

I scoffed and leaned on my seat again. "Drive."

"San tayo—ka pupunta?"

I heaved a sigh and looked at him again who's face is evident with confusion.

"Kung san ka dapat pupunta..."

He gape at me. Like he's taken aback and did not expected what I just said.

"W-Why? May I know why?"

"Bawal ba ako sa pupuntahan mo?"

He shook his head immediately. "No. What I want to know...why do you want to go with...me? Gusto mo akong lumayo sa iyo. Sinusubukan ko naman but..." Umiling ito na gulong-gulo. "why... I'm so confused, Angelie. I want to know exactly what you wanted me to do."

He's confused. I was confused awhile ago too. Pero ngayon alam ko na. Na kahit gusto ko siyang lumayo, mas gugustuhin ko siyang manatili. Na kahit ipagtabuhayan ko siya, di siya aalis. Because it is my mind that's pushing him away but my heart wants him near. That's why when he left me, I was so devastated. I was like a bee on high of nectar that's made of dark thoughts. I became a frustrated artist trying to sculp pain on my wrist. I was in havoc. My mind is in chaos.

What he did is very cruel. He broke my heart, he broke my trust, and took away my peace.

Glad thing that I didn't give up searching the light in every dark hours. No matter how faint it is, I held on it. I clung my life to it. Escaping pain by taking ones life is a selfish ambition. My soul will never be in peace, the family I have will forever blame themselves. I don't want that. So, I picked myself up and move forward.