Tranquility In Havoc

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Breathe

Hinayaan ko ang malamig na ihip ng hangin na isayaw ang mga hibla ng buhok ko. I embraced myself and caressed my arms. Tyler's confession still lingers in my head even though I purposely get out of the car to inhale some fresh air in hopes to lessen the pain I'm feeling.

Naiiyak akong isipin ang mga nangyari kay Tyler na wala ako. I want to latch him for not trusting me enough to take in the truth that he was sick when we were still together. Sana nandun ako. Sasamahan ko naman siya, di ko siya iiwan. Nakakapanghinayang ang mga taong lumipas na pawang muhi ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. Na pawang masasakit na alaala ang naiisip ko sa tuwing naririnig ang pangalan niya, o ang makakita ng mga bagay na makapag-alaala sa akin sa kaniya.

I was so busy hating him in the days he is suffering from an illness.

I keep on hating him while he always think of what's best for me.

And I feel so guilty.

Nahigit ko ang aking hininga nang pumalibot sa'kin ang white coat ni Tyler.

"Thanks for listening, Angelie."

I stiffened when I felt his presence behind me.

Ang hirap paniwalaan na lahat ng iyon ay nangyari. He got sick, got scared to die and leave me, so he took the risk and deliberately hurt me to forget him because of the very slight chance of him to live.

Ayaw niyang iwan ako kaya gusto niyang gumaling at mabuhay. Pero iniwan niya pa rin ako dahil kailangan.

"T-Tell me..." I muttered in shaky voice as I faced him. "magaling k-ka na ba?" Natatakot kong sambit.

I'm praying that he is. It's been years since he left to be operated and now he's back, looking healthy and fine. Please...

He nodded. "God is good. He saved me from the operation. It was successful and I survived."

Bigla akong nanghina at muntik nang matumba kundi lang naging maagap si Tyler at nahila agad ako. My face found his chest as I cried in silence.

Salamat sa Dios.

He survived. Magaling na siya...

Pumalibot sa'kin ang mga braso niya at mahinang hinahaplos ang buhok ko.

I don't think I could think sane if he's still not well...

God, I love him...ayaw ko siyang mawala.

"I said those things not to gain your pity. I want you to know the truth. That the reason why I left is not because you're not enough." I felt his kisses on my head. I closed my eyes and listen to his beating heart...his brave heart. "Always remember and never forget that you are more than enough. You're so precious that a coward like me shouldn't be with you. Yet, here you are...in my arms."

Ang pagkapit ko sa damit niya ay mas humigpit.

His words fueled my heart to beat like crazy. The pain that found home in me just vanished and replaced by the feeling that I missed the most, peace.

In peace, I could think straight. In peace, I could feel vividly...and in this peaceful moment inside his embrace, I clearly felt and understand...that he is part of my peace. At pag wala siya...di ako mapalagay, di ako mapayapa.

Natigilan ako at napatingala nang maramdaman ang patak ng ulan. Nagsalubong ang aming mga mata. Ngumiti ito na may kinang sa mga mata. Like a sea as sun rises, it's glistening with joy and hope.

"We need to go back." Saad nito at lumuwang ang pagkakayakap sa akin para ipantabon ang mga kamay sa ibabaw ng ulo ko. I was about to take off his white coat on me para kaming dalawa ang matatabunan sa mga patak,