Tranquility In Havoc

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve: Standing Position

Ten years ago

"I'm sure there are a lot of teenagers your age at the party, Anje..." Nilingon ako ni Mommy sa back seat. "Try to make some friends, okay?"

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa mga kamay ko sa aking kandungan. I nibbled my lower lip while nodding at Mom.

She said, to try...meaning I still have a choice whether to do it or not.

Sa tanawing nakikita sa bintana ko tinuon ang mga mata. The trees and lights went passed my eyes like a blur. Although may mga puno at halamang nakahilera sa gilid ng mga kalsada. Iba pa rin ang dating sa Beachwood, most of the trees and plants are not in line with each other pero maganda itong tingnan. Unusual and unexpected, just like how nature should be... spontaneous. You won't know what specific location will a wildflower pick to grow. It's a mystery, and a surprise. That's why nature is a gift.

Pero rito sa siyudad, iilan lang ang lugar na puno o maraming makikitang halaman o puno. Most lands are covered with cement not of various plants or grass. Kailangang mo pang maghanap ng mga eco park or any designated placed if you're a nature lover since the city does not care much of a gigantic spot for plants, what city wants is a gigantic spot to build infrastructures for capitalism.

But I need to be used to this environment. Dahil ito na ang magiging bago kong tahanan.

"Hayaan mo na yang anak natin, Sandra. Friendship should not be force, it will come unexpectedly. Pasasaan ba't magkakaroon din itong si Angelie ng maraming kaibigan rito. Girls her age like her, it's easy."

Napalingon ako sa rearview mirror kung saan kinindatan ako ni Daddy. I can't help but chuckled in relief and happiness. Pero agad rin akong napayuko at napatikom nang marinig ang pagbuntong hininga ni Mommy at pag-iling.

"Sometimes we need to force ourselves out of our comfort zones to grow. If there's an opportunity for self-improvement, why not grab it, right? Minsan madaming nauudlot dahil sa paghihintay at di pagkilos. Do you get my point, sweetie?" Ani Mommy.

I raised my head and looked at my Mom who's waiting for my answer.

"Yes, Mom." I honestly answered.

Actually I agree with Mom. But I'm just not that brave to entertain new people in my life. They might not like me and I don't want to force anybody to like me. I hate being rejected, so I rather be alone with myself. Dahil kung ako lang, wala akong kailangan i-impress na tao para magustuhan ako. I know my own capabilities, I accept and respect my own limits and I forgive my mistakes and failures. Unlike when having someone, like friends—you will need to adjust. You need to consider a lot of things, you need to be cautious of every actions and words kasi baka makapanakit ka at itatapon na lang basta ang nabuong pagkakaibigan. It's either, iiwan ka, papalitan, o kagagalitan. It's tiring. Nakakapagod at nakakatakot magpapasok ng tao sa buhay aside sa sariling pamilya.

Oftentimes, when they know you're weak... they'll betray. They will take advantage and you'll be ruined.

Napasandal ako sa headrest nang may kirot ang puso ko sa kaisipang nagtiwala ako. Unti-unti ay binubuksan ang konsepto ng pagkakaroon ng kaibigan...pero kung kailan medyo handa na ako, itinulak na ako palayo...pailalim.

I thought we could be friends...I thought I could finally accept him in my life...pero wala. Nilunod lang ako, literally.

"You're friends with Ginger and other kids in town, right Anje?"

Napamulat ako ng mga mata at nakasalubong ang tingin ni Dad sa rearview mirror.

Ginger? Well...I remembered when Ginger approached me when we were grade seven. I was at the library when she went near me and sat at the chair in front of me. Sa mga oras na iyon. Handa na akong magligpit ng gamit at ibigay na lang kay Ginger ang pwesto na nauna kong napili para lang makalayo. But something in her shyness and determined face made me stay. Nanatili ako at hinintay siyang magsalita.