Love Me

Why?

Katys POV

It was like the doctor was in slow motion. Every word that came out of her mouth felt like it took her a hour to complete. She looked at John and back at me.

"I'm sorry..." With that I new what was next wasn't good. I began to cry before she even finished her sentence. "You can go home in about a hour. I'm sorry, at this point there's nothing else we can do."she finished her sentence and she left the room

It was over. I was so stupid. Why did I even let myself drink. Why?! I cried uncontrollably, people in other rooms most likely heard. I couldn't control it however. It hurt so bad knowing that it was the end. I was never going to get to see my daughter, get to hold her in my arms. I would never get to see her grow up. Her first day of school. I took that all away from her. Her first boyfriend. Her first heartbreak, I would never get to comfort her for. She would never go to Prom. Or graduate from college. She would never get to have a wedding or have kids of her own. I took that all away from her. Her life was taken away because of my own stupidity.

John came up to me, his eyes were watery but I knew he wasn't going to cry, he didn't like when I saw him cry. He sat down next to me.

"It's okay Katy. We can always try again. It's going to be okay."

I couldn't speak, I just pulled him in closer to me, wrapping my arms around him, crying on his shoulder. I felt more weight apply to my bed as my mother sat down now next to me, she put her handon my shoulder trying to comfort me.

"Katy, I promise that it will be okay, and we are all here for you."

I just cried more. Why?! Why was all I could think about. Why did it have to get to this point?!

The door opened. I still was crying on John's shoulder with my mother next to me. I could see that my dad had just walked in, and he not only came back with the kids but David, Angela, and Shannon came in too. I didn't want my kids to see me crying the way I was. But I couldn't control it. They seemed so happy knowing that they were going to have a baby sister.

"Grandpa? Why's mommy crying??" I heard Justin say.

"She's just upset honey. Why don't you two go give her a hug."

With that said seconds later I felt Justin and Juliet hugging me. I looked down and smiled at them.

"I love you" I said, trying to wipe the tears and put a smile on my face.

"We love you too mommy!" They said.

Everyone else in the room figured out what happened and we're all trying to comfort me. But that didn't help. It just reminded me of everything. I packed up some stuff, getting ready to go home.

I can't believe that this was the end. It was all my fault. I felt bad for John, he wanted this child so bad and I ruined it for him. I don't think I can handle this pain. Is my life really worth living after this? How could I be so stupid. I'll never see things the way I did before. I won't ever look at a drink the same. I won't be able to go to events or party's that people will be drinking at. Half of my career I wouldn't be able to handle. Alchol has scarred me. I cringed at the thought of it. Every time I go to take a sip, from this point on, I would realize that it was the liquid that murdered my unborn child. I don't think I will ever truly survive this. I will never drink again after all this. I can live without alchol. But I can't live with out this child. I don't think I can ever be happy again. Why did I let this happen. Why?