The Self-Harmed

~Be honest, this is what we fought for~

 We soon got those stupid bracelets removed and then got sent to class. After school kids hurried to the food hall. They also opened up the library for the other kids that didn't fit into the food hall. This is where we were. At the back of the room, in a corner.

"What's the meaning of life?" Ayelie asked, as she sat on the end of a table.

Owen was sitting on the other side of the same table, as Clara layed between the two of them in a ball. I sat on the table across from them in-between Ryder and Caden. Alex sat on the other side of Ryder.

Owen seemed to smile a bit as he told her, "Living isn't fucking easy."

I picked at my thumb nail. I remember asking Owen the same question back in the day. He gave me the exact same answer.

"Living is fucking Evil." Caden spoke up.

I nodded.

He had a good point, my brother. Full of hate.

"This is stupid." Clara said, sitting up, letting her feet fall just above the ground. "We're supposed to be telling our friends about what we feel. That's what we fought for. So I'll go first. I feel like I have no right to live because Society made me feel that way. I feel that adults want me to act like one but they keep treating me like a kid. I feel adults look down on me because I have an eating disorder."

"They look down on me because I have scars." Ryder said, looking at the hole in his jeans.

"Yeah. Adults hurt you so bad, and they make you feel small so you cut and then they look down on you for doing it." Cadens snorted, "That's how I feel at least."

"I agree." Ayelie tossed up a hand at him, "Just because we're different and we see the world differently, we have to get locked up in this place."

"What if we're not the crazy ones?" Owen looked at all of us. "What if they're the crazy ones?"

"How do you feel Charlie?" Clara asked. "You're the one who came up with this idea weren't you?"

My mouth fell open.

"Come on," Caden smacked my leg with the back of his hand, "Give it a shot."

"I feel defeated." I looked down, "I feel like all of you are getting better, and I have no idea how to do the same. I feel like picking up a blade, and dragging it across my arm, just to make sure I can still feel, and I feel like I want to not eat so I can wither away into nothing. Light as a feather."

"And Alex?" Owen asked.

"Sad." He muttered, and then pulled his legs to his chest.

"Everyone's sad." Caden muttered softly.

"Well I'm too sad." Alex sighed, "I'm never going to stop being sad. It's never going to go away. I feel like even if I do get out of here like charlie thinks, I'll just go right back to my old ways. I'll pick up a blade, or a pipe, and I'll get bad again. But like Clara says I can't tell my Doctor this because He'll look at me like I'm a crazy piece of shit. I don't deserve to live."

"Yeah you do." Alex looked over at me, "We all do. We just have to believe it."

"How?" Clara asked.

"I don't know." Owen answered for me.

"I don't think It's ever going to go away." Caden spoke up. "Because if it did, if the sadness and hating yourself ever went away, we wouldn't be here. Ryder, Alex, Ayelie, Charlie, and I wouldn't cut ourselves, and Charlie, Clara and Ryder wouldn't feel the need to starve for perfection."

"The only good thing about this place is that I met you guys. I never had friends out in the real world." I picked at my thumb again. "Normal people don't understand me. They don't know what it feels like to hate yourself. They just don't get it."

"And the worst thing about this place?" Ryder asked.

"Them forcing us to Recover." Alex said. "I don't do well when I'm forced to do something."

"Yeah," Ayelie shook her head, "I don't like being told what to do. It makes me feel like a little kid and I've been through more shit that most adults."

"I know right?" Clara snorted. "I bet they don't even know what it's like to hate yourself."

"I don't like how they act all careful." I kicked my leg out. "Like I'm going to fall and break the first chance I get."

"I know!" Owen tossed out a hand. "They tip toe around the situation at hand. We might as well just go back home. That's what are parents do. That's why they sent us here, so other people can take care of their kids, because they don't feel like it."

"I don't think it's because they don't feel like it." Alex shook his head. "I think it's because they're afraid of us."

"Which is insane." Ayelie looked at us to make sure we agreed with her. "They raised us. They should know how to treat us. How to help us."

"But they don't," Clara yanked a string from her sweater. "And that's why we're here. And I'm not to sure if they're scared of us, or scared for us."

"And that's the worst thing. Having the ones you love worry abut you." I looked at my knee. "Because when people start to worry, they start to pay attention to you."