The Self-Harmed

~Little fingers and toes~

 It was august twenty-eighth, at two in the morning. Mom had just got wheeled into a room with Jackson at her side. I was sitting in a hard plastic chair, my legs to my chest, as Caden paced in front of me. The hospital was freezing. I was dressed in sweats and Long shirt, and fuzzy slippers. Caden stopped, and looked at me. He opened his mouth, and then shut it. He continued to pace. We had been arguing all summer. He yanked his sweater over his head, and held it out to me.

"Here."

I quickly took it and pulled it over my head and over my legs. 

"Do you think she'll be okay?" He began to pace again.

"I guess."

"You guess!" He boomed, earning a glance of random people.

A nurse walked by, and I flinched.

"You okay?" Caden looked at me confused, and then looked down the hall seeing the nurse.

He sighed, sat next to me, and took my hand.

"You're okay. Your not at school. "They can't do anything to you here."

I slowly nodded.

"So," His voice was tight as he tried to change the subject. "What do you think they'll look like?"

"Bald." I took my hand away from him, and crossed my arm over my legs. "Pink."

He snorted.

"Hey, listen." He turned in his seat to face me. "We have to work together for them."

"Why?" I looked at the floor. "They won't remember us anyways. We'll just be the crazy big sister and brother who come home on holidays."

"You know that's not true." Caden shook his head. "They'll be expecting us to show them how to deal with life."

"Then you can help them. If they look to me, they'll be looking at the wrong sibling."

"Why are you acting like this?" He demanded. "When we where at school you where ready to teach them things."

"So they can just wish me to my grave basically?" I glared at him. "Look at you. I didn't teach you anything, and you still want me dead."

"That's not true."

"What's not true? I didn't teach you anything or you want me dead?"

"Both!" He looked confused. "I don't want you to be dead. You're my sister. And you taught me a lot. You taught me to never stop fighting. If you want something don't give it up. You taught me compassion. To never give up on anyone.

To help people. To make things better for the ones you love even if your mind is a prison cell. No, look at me." He took my face as I looked away from him. "You taught me how important it is to have someone on your side. Someone who understands what your going through. How to not tell the wrong person about your issues. How to be loyal. You boost up my self-esteem without even knowing it. It just sucks that Chloe and Coltan will never know the real you. If you want them to know you as the Crazy big sister, who comes home on holidays, then fine so be it. But I'm going to be there for them.

Because that's what siblings do. They stick around because they love each other. That's another thing you taught me. How to love, but maybe you forgot who you really are."

"Where are you going?" I called after him, as he stood up and headed down the hall.

"To the food hall."

I let my head fall onto the wall. I closed my eyes. Thick rubber soles tramped down the hall, people laughed and cried.

"Here," Someone tapped my arm. "I got you a coffee."

I looked at Owen, and he held out the coffee.

"Do you think I'm a good person?"

"Of course I do." He shook the coffee for me to take. "What kind of stupid question is that? You're the most caring Loyal person I know."