The Self-Harmed

~The color gold~

"So." Alex said, putting an arm around Ayelie.

It was dinner. We all looked down from a loss of words. We never said it but their deaths had affected us way more than we wanted them too. Everyone in the place was already hurting from themselves and now death had graced us and was playing a big factor. I did have to admit that I was proud of my little family here. Normally death and sadness would make you down fall, but they all were fighting harder than ever to get better.

"Fresh off the press." Mr. Pepper handed me a year book.

I opened the page and Clara and Ryder leaned in.

"You want one?" Mr. Pepper asked, holding out a book to Ayelie.

He took three gold ones out of the box he held, "I made these ones for Ava, Alen, and Daniel. I thought you guys could take them around school so people could sign them. I know you already did this Charlie, but that was for you guys. I want these ones for the school."

I took them, "Thank you."

Mr. Pepper gave a year book to Alex, Owen, Ryder, and Clara and then left.

"I'll take around Ava's." Ayelie held out a small hand.

I handed it over and Ryder took one.

"For Alen."

I looked at the last one I clutched in my hand.

"Charlie?" I looked up and Alex held out his hand.

"For Daniel." I handed it over slowly.

"Do you want to do it?" He asked, both of us holding the gold book.

I shook my head and let go.

The three of them left the table and went around the dining hall.

"You okay?" Owen grabbed my hand.

"Yeah." I lied.

"Don't lie to us." Clara grabbed my other hand.

"I'm sorry." I just looked down.

"You'll be okay." Owen sounded distant.

"We all will." Clara added, with the same distance.

"I hope you're right." I muttered my own voice ringing in my ears.

I glanced up to see Clara and Owen staring at each other. Like they could talk mind to mind. Clara nodded, grabbed her bag and left the table.

"Where is she going?"

"She'll be fine." Owen let go of my hand.

"Don't." I lunged for his hand that was sliding across the table to his lap. I grabbed it. "Stop."

He grabbed onto my hand and I watched as He ate and as the other three brought the book table to table. They headed back over and I dropped Owen's hand to stand up. Ryder, Alex and Ayelie stood in front of me.

"What now?" Ayelie asked.

"We write in them." I took the book from Ayelie and sat down taking out a pen.

Ryder and Alex sat down too taking out markers. We passed the books around and then I stacked them in a pile.

"Where you going?" Ryder caught my wrist.

"To find Clara." I finished getting up as he slowly let me free. "She needs to sign this."

I hurried down the wing of the eating disorders. Clara's door was cracked open. I slowly pushed it open. Clara was dumping a drawer on the floor. She tossed it over her shoulder with a lot of force for a girl with an eating disorder, and fell to her knees, in front of the pile of stuff. I jumped out of the way of the drawer and it smacked the door closed. She spun to look at the door, and then fell on her ass when she saw me.

"Ow!" She yelled tossing the thing she sat on. "What are you doing!"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for something."

"What?"

"You still have them?" She nodded.

"You haven't signed them yet."

She held out a hand and I handed them over. She grabbed a pen from her pile and opened a book. I lay back on my old bed and looked at the roof. Right away I found the little heart that would always give me hope when I was in this room. I would stare at it until I fell asleep.

"Okay." She held out all three books.

I jumped up and took them from her, "I can help you-"

"I got it." She smiled up at me.

"Okay." I walked the way I came hearing another drawer be emptied.

I walked over to the stones, and set the right year book at the right stone. I kissed my hand, and then touched each stone. I popped up, with too much energy for a girl with an eating disorder, and left the garden.