The Self-Harmed

~When the Party is over~

"Have you gotten skinnier?" Jackson asked, as I came down for breakfast the next morning.

"It's just pre-wedding stress." I told him. "I'll gain it back."

Mom and Caden were looking at me.

"Well eat up. We're heading home at one." Jackson said with a grin.

I ate breakfast and went up to pack.

"You did lose weight."

I was used to Caden coming out of the wood-work.

"I already explained why."

"I haven't been seeing you eat lately."

"And?"

"And so you probably haven't been eating."

I stopped packing, and turned to face him, "I'm fine."

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked. "We're supposed to be getting better."

"Don't you get it?" I questioned annoyed almost yelling, "There is no getting better. Not for me. I've been sick for too long Caden. Getting better for me is a fairy tale. It's not real. It's not something I can touch."

"Then there's no hope for me then."

"Yes there is." I nodded. "There's a difference between you and I. You want to get better."

"And you don't?"

I turned and folded a shirt. I slapped it down into my suit case with too much force and grabbed a pair of pants. 

"And you don't." He walked over to me. "Why not?"

"Look at me!" I demanded. "I'm too fat and to ugly to get better."

"Oh I see it now."

"Thank you."

"I mean just look at that jaw line." He scoffed, "And that rib cage? Please. And your wrists, not even."

I smiled at him, slowly.

"And I mean your legs even though they can snap at any second, they won't ever do. And that waist-"

"Okay." I pushed his arm.

"Honestly though."

"Alright." I told him. "I'll try this time."

"Do more than try, Charlie. Make it happen." He kissed my forehead and left my room.

"Make it happen." I nodded.

I grabbed my shoe and yanked my blade free. I opened the top drawer to my desk and set it inside. I kissed three of my fingers, touched the blade and then shut the drawer. Leave it here. If I was going to get better, than why not leave behind anything that I could use to get worse? 

I haven't heard from anyone. No one from the school, which made me feel a little anxious. Where they all getting better? Where they trying like Caden was? Like how he was trying to get me to? What would happen if they came back worse? What would happen if... they didn't come back at all?