Society Says // Seungin

~Two~

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Yang Jeongin:

Day 1

The first time I was told the rule about not being different was when I was five.

I was at the mall with my mom, my dad watching my, at the time, one year old brother. We were clothes shopping.

Now, when I say we need to dress similar, there's a difference between boys and girls, obviously. Boys wear boys clothes, and girls wear girls clothes. No cross dressing.

But, my five year old mind didn't know that. I had seen a girls shirt that I liked, it was bright pink. And I wanted it.

So that's when my mom explained to me that being different from everyone else is dangerous. It sounded unreal to me at the time, but now I know that if I'm different in any way than what society expects, I will fade away.

The world doesn't need people like me ruining their perfect system.

"I just still can't believe you're gonna be gone," Seungmin said in disbelieve as he rubbed his head. He was crying the most, so he probably has a headache now. This hurts my heart so much.

We have moved from the spot to my bedroom at home, all of us spread around my room either sitting on my bed with me, sharing my beanbag chair, or sitting on my hanging chair. Everyone else is on the carpet floor.

We decided to come home to have more privacy. Yeah, the only other person at Starbucks was Lia, but I doubt she wants to hear a bunch of teenage boys sob about how I'm doing to die.

I hugged my pillow tightly, as I let tears roll down my face. I flopped down onto my side, laying my head on my mattress. I laid my legs across Chan and Changbin, while one soothingly massaged my feet and the other did the same to my head, running his fingers through my hair calmly.

"I should just off myself now and save me the stress and misery," I told sadly. The sad thing was, I meant it. This whole thing scares me so much, and I feel like stressing about it will just make it worse.

Changbin punched me lightly, "Don't think like that, Jeongin! We will find out why you're fading, and then try our best to stop it. We wouldn't let you go that easy."

I groaned in response, not bothering to tell them I know why I'm fading, and there isn't anything I can do about it. I can't stop being gay!

I decided to tell them I'm gay a different day. They already know I'm dying, I can't drop another bomb on them twice in one day.

It's still so unbelievable this is happening. I'm going to lose everything.

And the scariest part of all of this, is I don't know when I'm fully going to disappear. I just know it's going to happen.

But I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye just yet.