Society Says // Seungin

~Twenty-Two~

::::

Yang Jeongin:

Day 22

I got home yesterday and basically slammed my head on my door out of frustration. Not that it mattered anyway, because I couldn't even feel it.

After realizing I've gone numb, it was really a wake up call that I don't have much time left. I can't feel myself fading anymore, just see it. No matter what I do to myself, I can't feel anything.

Except for emotions. I feel scared. I feel upset. I feel angry that I can't physically feel anything anymore.

Seungmin is starting to look not so good too. He's at the point when I started to fade faster, and he's already started becoming more transparent. Which means pretty soon, he will be caught up with me and at my level of fading.

Which honestly, sucks a lot. I think he's fading faster because he's more open to our relationship than I am. He offers to hold my hand more, kisses me, and just does more relationshipy stuff than I do. And it's making the universe pissed.

I rubbed my eyes, resting my head on my pillow. I was now pouting on my bed, starving. I haven't had anything to eat since yesterday. My whole family is home, and I can't risk having them see me. I look like a zombie. Pale skin, no life in my eyes, and my hair looks like a rag. Not to mention I'm close to being see through.

I've been avoiding them at all costs. I skip family dinners, I walk to school everyday, I text them from my room when I need to speak to them, and more. I don't remember the time I had a fully fledged conversation with any of my family members.

I can only really pet my dog.

And it's breaking my heart. I love them all so much, and not being able to see them is painful. I don't know if they even realize how much I've been avoiding them.

I suddenly got a call from Seungmin, the ringtone jump scaring me. I answered and put my phone on speaker, placing it on my dresser next to my bed. That way I can talk to him, without worrying about my hand glitching and my phone dropping to the ground.

"H-Hey," I greeted, not feeling up to talking to anyone at all. I feel weak and tired, and I just want to sleep my pain away.

"I think we should have a party," He told me, sounding very enthusiastic about it. I made a confused face, even though he couldn't see it.

"A party for what, exactly?"

I heard him take a breath, and exhale it, "To celebrate how far we've come during this hard time. Even though we may not have a future, we should celebrate how hard we've worked in the past."

I listened to him speak, closing my eyes as he spoke. I'm tired, and I don't feel like celebrating the fact I'll be dying soon.

"I don't know, Seungmin. Don't you think it's a little...much?"

"No!" He protested, "It would be fun. Just the nine of us, just enjoying our time together. I'll set up music, buy a bunch of snacks and just have a good time. Please?"

I stopped to think. Maybe it would be a nice way to take my mind off everything.

I rolled over onto my other side, getting comfortable. I sighed, before giving in.

"Fine. I can't say no to you," I laughed slightly, "Your house, tomorrow. See you then."