Society Says // Seungin

~Nineteen~

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Yang Jeongin:

Day 19

When I got home last night, I was over the moon happy. It couldn't have gone better. It was nice spending a night somewhat celebrating what's going on in my life, rather than moping around over it.

One of my favorite parts of the night was when Seungmin told me to keep his leather jacket. I felt guilty at first, but he told me, and I quote, "We will both be dying soon anyway. We shouldn't stress about what's mine and what's yours. And it looks good on you anyway."

It made my heart flutter. I can finally have the feeling of a real relationship. No more being a coward just because I'm fading. I'm going to face this, and I'm not alone.

I'll show you, society!

When I woke up the next day, I realized I had fallen asleep in Seungmin's jacket. It made me feel a sense of comfort whenever I wore it. Just knowing it's his, and he gave it to me makes me feel so good.

I rubbed my eyes, noticing my right arm was missing. At this point, it doesn't scare me anymore when I wake up without a body part. I'm used to it, I guess.

Getting hot, I took off Seungmin's jacket, and held it close to my chest. It still smelt like him, and I smiled at the thought. I got out of bed, and hung it up on my closet door.

I tiredly got dressed, and looked at my body in the mirror. I seemed to have become even more transparent over night, way more than I was yesterday. That sent my heart racing.

The universe must have not liked me going on a date with Seungmin at all. So as payback, it's making me more transparent.

I blinked, making sure I was seeing myself right. It doesn't look like I'm totally transparent yet, but it's more than just a little fade from the last two days.

I sighed, and picked up my phone to text Seungmin to see if he's noticed anything different as well.

Seungmean 🥰🤡

hey, did you notice
anything...different too?

Seungmean 🥰🤡
indeed my friend. I started
to look more transparent like you.
what's new with you?

i'm jusy even more see
through now. crap
Read

I walked over to my mirror, and started to apply makeup. I mentally prayed that I'm not too transparent to the point where the makeup thing won't work anymore. That would have been a waste of fifteen bucks.

I put as much as I could on without it being noticeable, and it just hardly made me look normal again. I bit my lip, knowing soon makeup won't work and I'll be screwed.

In the meantime, I need to cover as much of my body as I can. I'm constantly wearing pants that go past my ankles, long sleeve shirts that are too big so I can hide my hands, and I can't even take off my shoes and socks. 

As for my neck and face, makeup will only work for so much longer.

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Later today, I walked into the spot, this time alone. I don't remember the last time I was here without a friend, and it gives me a weird vibe to be in here alone.

Today, the barista was Chaeryeong. I waved 'hello' to her, not showing my hand so it was like a sweater paw wave. She instantly knew something was up by the way I was alone.

"Who's jacket is that?" She asked, pointing to Seungmin's jacket. She knew it wasn't mine because it's not something I would normally wear.

My face flushed red, and I smiled to myself, "It's my...friends?"

I don't like lying, but I can't openly talk about me and Seungmin's relationship. If anything, it'll just make me more transparent. And even if I'm trying to stay positive, the whole dying thing still freaks me the fuck out.

"Well, it looks good on you," Chaeyoung smiled, already starting to make my usual. I didn't even have to ask!

I sat down in a booth, and waited for my drink to be ready. I looked down my sleeve to stare at my hands, and it pained me to see how transparent I was getting.

I started thinking about what to do as my death came closer. At this point, it looks like I won't make it till next month. It sent anxiety through my body just thinking about it.

There's still so much to do before then. I need to figure a way to tell my family, and plan for the future about how I'll cover up my transparency.

I also have to do the math about when Seungmin will fade. I'm beginning to believe that since we are literally dating, he would fade the same day as me. And that makes me more scared, yet comforted at the same time.

"Jeongin, it's ready!" Chaeryeong softly called over to me. I picked my head up, and went over to the counter.

I handed her the cash, hardly poking my hand out of my sleeve enough for her to see my fingers. I held my breath as I let my hand out of my sleeve to grab the drink, hoping she doesn't notice how see through I look.

"Thank you so much-" I tried to end the conversation as fast as I could before something could happen, but I was cut off by my drink hand glitching.

The drink fell out of my hand, and Chaeyoung looked at me in shock.

"Surprise-" I spoke, trying to light up the mood.

"Oh, Jeongin. I'm so sorry!" She frowned, leaning over the counter to give me a hug.

I can't even tell her it's okay. Because it's not. None of this is okay.

The most I can tell her, is that I'm okay. For now, that is.