Society Says // Seungin

~Three~

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Yang Jeongin:

Day 3

Trying to hide the fact that I'm fading to my family has not been easy.

It's been a few days, and not only is my left hand continuing to glitch more than usual, but now my right hand is doing the same. It's hard when I'm trying to write on a piece of paper and my hand randomly keeps disappearing. And then having to hide it from my teachers and fellow students makes it even harder.

Plus it's so scary to watch happen.

But my family knows me better than anyone else. They can tell when something is up. The thing is, I can't bare to tell them. It'll pain them so much, and I can not put my family through that.

"So how was your day, boys?" My mom asked us as we ate our dinner.

Me and my brother shrugged, "It's was boring," he answered while putting food in his mouth.

Scary. My day was scary, I thought to myself.

My mom looked at me weirdly, noticing I haven't really eaten my dinner or was talking.

"Jeongin, what's wrong? You haven't eaten anything yet," she frowned.

Truthfully, I'm afraid my hands will start to glitch, or even disappear, while I'm trying to eat, and then they will find out.

"Uhhh- I'm not feeling well," I lied, pretending to cough. I've never purposely lied to my family before, this makes me feel so dirty.

Right after I said that, mom came over and felt my face. To my luck, I was hot, but from nerves, not being sick.

"Oh honey, go lay down in your room. You can eat when you feel better," She told. I nodded, and went up to my room, even though I was still starving.

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I laid down in my bed, arms folded across my chest as I stare up into my ceiling. It's so weird to think, that in a few weeks, maybe even days, I could be dead.

I held up my hands high, and just looked at them. What if I never noticed I was disappearing, and it all just happened randomly? That would be absolutely terrifying. At least now I have time to get myself ready and say bye to my friends.

Then I got an idea.

I whipped out my laptop from under my bed, and started googling.

How to stop yourself from fading|
Search

I bunch of websites came up, and I clicked the first one, the most visited one. It had 4.5 stars, so it has to help.

I opened the website, and it brought me to a list and how to's.

1. Stop doing the thing that's making you fade
If you find yourself disappearing, it's because you're different for some reason. So if you fix that, you will stop!

Well, that's already a bust.

2. Isolate yourself from the reason you are fading
By doing this, it will trick your mind into believing you're done doing the thing that's making you fade

I sighed, and exited out of the tab before I could finished the list. I closed my laptop.

This wasn't working; I can't stop being gay, and I can't stop seeing Seungmin in a time like this. He would be crushed.

It doesn't matter what the list says. There isn't anything I can do to stop myself from fading. I can't just change my sexuality. I'm stuck like this.

And no matter what any website says to do, I know it won't work.