Society Says // Seungin

~Five~

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Yang Jeongin:

Day 8

Why did the world have to be like this?

Why does everyone have to be the same. We are all different people with different personalities and different looks and interests. The fact we are being forced to be the same, and anyone else who isn't dies, is ridiculous.

Why is being different so bad?

::::

I decided today that I'll tell my friends that I'm gay. They deserve to know. They have so much hope that we will figure out why I'm fading and that we can stop it. And I can't keep giving them that false hope, it's unfair.

So, I called another meeting at the Spot. I can't do it here, because my mom is home and she could accidentally overhear us.

"Mom, I'm heading out!" I yell before I walk out the door. She's in the kitchen making my brother lunch.

Before I could leave, she ran up to me.

"Honey wait!" She called.

I groaned, praying that nothing starts glitching while I talk to her. I've been avoiding my family like crazy, the anxiety of them finding out being to much to handle. For me, it's just easier to back off than face the problem.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the family room, and then sat me on the couch. I gulped, having a bad gut feeling she may know. And if she knows, then my dad and brother know.

The nerves must have made me start glitching again, because my right hand started to disappear and reappear over and over again. So I quickly stuck it in my pocket.

"Jeongin, I feel like you've been...I don't know, off lately. You've been spending a lot of time in your room for the past couple days, you're hardly eating, and your grades are dropping. Is everything alright?"

I mentally wanted to scream. The sadness and worry in my moms eyes made me feel horrible. She cares so much, and I just keep lying to her.

But I can't break her heart, because seeing my
mom in pain would kill me before I could even fade.

I faked a smile, "Oh mom, no I'm fine! I swear. Schools just been piling up and it's hard to study for every subject at once, and that's why my grades are dropping."

Her face went from worry to understanding, and I felt a sense of relief.

"That's why I've been in my room all the time. I'm constantly studying."

Mom nodded, and she seems to believe me. I mean, I am in high school, so there is a lot of work. And I'm not usually someone who blows off school work. I'm the type of person who wouldn't hang out with my friends on a Friday night because I'm studying for a test that following Monday.

"Oh, I get it," she says, "Just don't stress yourself out. I've been really worried about you."

I stood up, getting ready to leave once again. I thought about what she said, the fact I'm worrying her. It's understandable.

I've been locking myself in my room, being secretive, and my grades are becoming worse and worse. Plus, I've been wearing long sleeves and baggy clothes so if my arm started glitching or something, I would hope the sleeves covered it up (which sadly, it doesn't. But it's worth a try!)

So she's probably getting the way wrong idea.

"So, I'll head out now," I restated. We waved goodbye, and I was on my way.

::::

This time, it wasn't Lia working the bar. It was Yuna, who I'm also good friends with.

We waved when I walked in, and I quietly sat down at the booth table. As my friends started walking in and joining me, I felt anxiety tug at my stomach.

I didn't think telling them would be so scary.

After almost everyone arrived, Seungmin was yet to show up. I was confused, but I guess I can tell him a different time privately. It would also be a good time to tell him my feelings. I would feel terrible if I disappeared without him knowing how I really feel.

"Alright, I know you've all been wondering why I started fading. And I've kinda been lying to you guys," I started. They all stared at me with nervous, yet hopeful, eyes.

"I actually know why."

I started getting bombarded with questions and everyone wanting to know what it is and how we can fix it. My heart sank.

I shushed them all. "GUYS! It's not fixable."

All their faces dropped. You could see the exact moment the hope left and the disappointment arrived.

"It's because I'm gay."

The gasps and 'oh's' started rolling in, and I gave them time to understand that there isn't anything we could do.

"I figured out that I actually like Seungmin they day I found out I was fading. I wanted to tell him, but he's not here."

As if on cue, Seungmin came storming into the Starbucks. But he looked horrible. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair was a mess, and he seemed to be shaking.

I stood up and ran over to him.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" I rubbed his back.

He looked all of us in the eyes, and after a few seconds, he finally said,

"I'm...I'm fading too."