Society Says // Seungin

~Twenty-Nine~

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Yang Jeongin:

Day 30 - last day

I didn't want to open my eyes when I woke up. I was terrified to face today's events. Even though I know I won't make it past this day, I'm afraid to face the reality of it actually happening.

When I finally did open my eyes, I scanned my room. This will be my last time waking up in here. I let out a sigh, and got out of bed. I felt dizzy, and I grabbed onto my curtains for support. Once I felt okay, I got dressed.

For my last outfit ever, I decided to wear a red shirt with Seungmin's leather jacket. My black jeans had a chain on it, and I think it looks really cool.

After I got dressed, I peaked my head out my bedroom door, to see if anyone's home. I heard no noise, so I figured I was alone.

I let out a relieved breath, and walked back into my room. I checked my phone, and texted Seungmin that I'm coming over. He replied with that everyone else will be there too, and that his parents are at work.

My heart turned. I won't get to say a proper goodbye to my family.

I sighed, holding back tears. I don't have time to cry. I set my phone down, and gazed through my bedroom one last time. I grew up in this room. It was my safe place, the hangout for my friends and I (besides the spot, of course), and where I made a lot of memories.

I made my bed for the first time in years. I don't want to leave my room a mess for my parents when they're going through it. I even quickly wiped the dust off my dresser, and organized the clothes in my closet.

Once I finished straightening up, I decided to head downstairs. I lightly closed my door, something I never do when I'm not inside. I rested my hand on the door handle, knowing I'll never step foot back inside. After a few moments, I made my way downstairs.

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Once I was downstairs, I entered the family room. I paced around the room, looking at all the family photos we have hung up. I smiled, remembering the memories.

My eyes then met the clock, and it was almost twelve in the afternoon. Figuring I need to get a move on, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

If I can't say goodbye to my family, this will have to do.

I spent the next few minutes struggling to get my thoughts into writing. I have no idea where to start. How do you write your final goodbyes to the people who've been with you since the moment you were born?

I rubbed my head, forgetting about trying to think of the perfect note. I just let my hand go, and write whatever felt right.

Without proofreading, I folded it up and set it on the kitchen table. I then pulled my phone out of my pocket, and set it next to the letter. I held my breath as I walked away.

It's time to go.

I put my shoes on, and slowly walked out of the house. I closed the door behind me, and I almost turned back and went inside.

But I couldn't. I need to be strong, and except the fact that it's time.

I was on my way to Seungmin's house, never to return to my own again.

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I was shaking as I passed by everything. The schools I went to, the parks I played at when I was little, and the spot, where I made lots of friends.

I couldn't bare to think that I'll never get to experience those memories again.

I remembered the first time we went into the spot with my friends. God, it was so crowded. There was hardly any place to sit. It's so weird to think that only four years later, there's little to nobody ever there besides my group of friends.

We've made lots of memories there. There are good ones, like finding out we all passed the hardest test of the year, or that Hyunjin was getting a dog.

Then there's the not so fun memories, like Minho having an allergic reaction to a drink and had to be rushed to the hospital, or Changbin choking on a cake pop.

Or the worst one of all, the day we found out Seungmin and I were fading.

But at the end of the day, we can look back on those and laugh. I can never pinpoint what day all those memories exactly happened on, but that's a good thing.

And like those memories, as I've been fading, I've spent as much time as possible making the most of it.

Because we don't remember the days, we remember the moments.