Loving Chris (TTSPG Book3)

10

The second I could no longer hear his retreating footsteps anymore, I stumbled out the room and towards the men's room as I clutched my head, apologizing to people as I bumped into them.

I felt as though I was seconds away from blacking out and as I squinted at the sign on the men's door, I pushed in, barely making it in time to the sink before throwing up.

It felt like hours before I could finally breathe again and my face was sweating as my clothes clung to me. Releasing a few buttons on my shirt, I turned on the tap before rinsing the foul taste from my mouth. A coworker asks if I'm okay and I barely mumble yes as I brace the wall near the sink, his words droned out by the eerie sound in my brain.

I was sent home by my boss and as I waited briefly for the taxi to arrive, I pressed my head to the concrete wall as I kept my eyes closed. The honking of horns had me stumbling over to the taxi and I grumbled my address before lying on the backseat of the man's car.

It took way too long for me to get back home and I immediately went to my bed, abandoning my shoes and shirt along the path from inside my door to my bed.

The room was dark with all the blinds drawn and lights turned off and so I pulled the pillow over my eyes as I drifted off to sleep. It felt like I had been asleep for mere seconds when I woke again and as I peeked out at my phone time, I realized it had been 2 hours.

Groaning, I tried to pull myself up so I can have an early dinner but the room spun and I fell against the bed as I couldn't control my body. Not trying to fight against a greater force, I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I was back in a deep sleep.

The next time my eyes fluttered open, the place was jet black and I cautiously sat up to see if my head would still spin. Biting the side of my lip in concentration, I slowly stepped off my bed and took several steps to the door. When nothing happened I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt somewhat normal. The only thing out of the ordinary was the inhuman growl coming from my stomach.

I showered quickly, listened to my voice message from Stacy hoping that I was okay before I decided to drive over to Danny's. He surprisingly always had food in the house and although not always healthy, it satisfied my hunger.

Within minutes I was driving towards his well memorized house and I carefully watched the road as the rain once more poured throughout the city. The gloomy array of grey skies and abandoned streets felt like a mirror to my emotions and I sighed as I tried to distract myself from thoughts of him.

You made it this long champ.

I tried to coax.

You can survive again.

But I felt like I didn't want to. I didn't want to live without him because I felt like I would never be happy again. It pained me to be alone and every day I felt close to never being whole again.

Sighing at how constantly dark my mind could get, I parked outside Danny's house, listening to the rain on the roof of my car and staring bleakly ahead. Lights were the only things that littered my surroundings and the far off chatters of animals could barely be heard through the closed windows and drowning rain.

I almost didn't want to leave the comforts of my car but the sudden deadly rumble from my stomach had me stepping out and running towards his porch.

I knocked on the door once but knew that depending on where he was, he wouldn't hear me. Rubbing my hands at how cold the breeze felt, I tried the lock and wasn't surprised that it didn't budge. Going around to the side, I silently prayed it was open so I didn't have to go through the rain in search of a spare.

The door was happily never closed and I shook my hair slightly, trying to get the water out. The rain on the rooftops made everything hard to hear but as I closed the door and turned around, there was no mistaking the sounds as Danny's eyes connected with mine.

It took a second for me to avert my eyes but it was a second too long as my brain spotted and memorized every detail before me.

The way Danny shamelessly moaned Jon's name as he held his neck, slamming his body against him.

The way that Jon had his eyes closed as he rested his head on Danny's shoulder, hands viciously squeezing into his hips as he too shamelessly groaned for his lover.

"Shit, I'm sorry." I shouted above the rain as Danny pushed Jon off him.

"What the fuck man?!" Danny yells and I keep my eyes closed as I hoped they were getting dressed.

"I probably should have called first. I'm sorry, I didn't think." I say as I faced the door.

"You think?!"

Jon clears his throat and I cautiously opened one then both eyes to find them happily dressed. I smile an awkward smile before Jon shakes his head, heading upstairs to give us privacy.

"And why are you here?" Danny asks as he sits on the couch, pulling a small cushion onto his lap to cover his still hard boner.

I watch the seat skeptically but head over nonetheless and sit next to him. Getting comfortable, I lean back and close my eyes as Dannny watches me.

"I'm too lazy to make dinner." Is all I say before I felt Danny get up from near me.

Several minutes went by before he returned and I watched as he placed a plate with four slices of pizza and a canned juice.

"Eat, drink, watch tv. I'm going upstairs."

"Am... I was wondering if we could talk for a bit." I asked hopefully, trying not to sound like I was pleading for a bit if company.

"Give me twenty minutes."

He doesn't wait for my reply as he heads upstairs and I sigh as I dug into my dinner. The wall clock showed me that it was ten past six and I silently hoped they weren't planning on going out tonight.

Everyone had a life of their own now but if I spent another minute alone, I would head over to Chris' and silence all the demons in my mind by kissing him and getting reacquainted with his touch. 

That was a bad idea on many levels but my loneliness was like poison and I would do anything to get rid of it.