Loving Chris (TTSPG Book3)

2

A/N

Are we ready for Chapter Two?

😇😇😇

Why am I so excited?

<~><~><~>

Chapter Two

"Hey. You okay?" Danny asks as he comes into my office.

It's almost 5 and I was just getting ready to head out. My computer was shutting down and I sat on the edge of the side of my desk, blinds drawn as I watch the sun beginning to set.

"I'm fine." I state quietly, not looking over at him.

"Why do you still have that?"

"Hmm?" Finally deciding to look over, I noticed him staring at the object in my hand that I was playing with and I quickly dropped the ring beneath my shirt.

"Why are you still here?"

"Jon and I are headed to a work thing so I'm waiting for him to pick me up." He plays with the door handle as I watch him and he avoids eye contact. "Who knew I'd become the wife in this relationship." He chuckles, looking back up at me.

"I should get going too."

"Why don't you come with us?"

"Its Monday."

"So, when did the day of the week affect us partying?"

"I don't party anymore and I definitely don't do it on a weekday."

I grabbed my coat, keys and phone before heading out the door, Danny following close behind.

"Look man, I'm sorry about lunch. I thought Chris cancelled. If I knew he was coming I wouldn't have invited you."

"Its cool."

"I didn't know you're still hung up on him."

"I'm not."

"Right... well am, see you at lunch tomorrow?"

"I can't. I still have a bunch of work to do and its gonna take me all week to finish. I'll just eat in my office."

"Hmm, yeah, I figured you'd say something like that. Well, I'll see you at work tomorrow." He says to me before heading over to his boyfriend.

I faked a smile as he walked away before I too headed home. It was an excruciatingly long day and all I wanted to do was go home, shower and catch some much needed sleep.

Instead, I found myself driving down the street where I knew he lived. I knew that he'd be home now, entertaining Alexis and her fiancee while they waited on Trent who always got there late. I knew this because I drove by every night for the past year of him living here, haven gotten the information from a reluctant Danny.

You're pathetic..

I say to myself, bracing the steering wheel and watching him from the open blinds in his living room. He was pouring wine into glasses and laughing and I couldn't stop my heart from tightening as he felt joy with people that weren't me.

Why is it that you only realize what you have until you lose it?

Why is it that you only crave the attention of those who would rather live without you?

I sighed once more as I pushed my seat back and stared at the house. Twenty minutes later and Trent showed up looking all sweaty and out of character. It pained me to see Chris pull him for a hug and I tightly held onto the steering wheel as they embraced.

This was going to be a long night.

~~~

I drove off 3 hours later when everyone was preparing to leave. The sky was a deep black and the air felt chilly as I sped off towards my own place. I felt like hitting a bar and getting wasted but I hadn't tasted alcohol since the day Chris ended things with me and I knew if I did that, I'd be back in bed with some poor soul.

Maybe that was what I needed.

Maybe the reason why I'm still hung up over him is because I haven't had sex in two years.

Maybe I needed to start looking elsewhere because he clearly has moved on and I'm like a weirdo creeping on him while he's busy enjoying life.

Slamming my bedroom door shut and stripping out of my work attire, I vaguely wondered if he missed me the same way I was missing him.

I knew he didn't.

I knew he hooked up with a few people after we ended things and I could tell I was the last person on his mind from the way he was unmoved by the sight of me today. He sat so close to me and yet I was the only person affected by his appearance.

Groaning, I threw my naked self onto my bed and stared at the ceiling as I played with the ring.

"I miss you." I said up to the ceiling. "Mom, dad... Levi-" I turned over, pulling the pillow underneath my face as I knelt. "I miss you."

I felt utterly alone and broken but I was adamant about facing this head on. No longer will I be running from my problems, no longer will I be running from my pain.

Alcohol wouldn't fix me.

Having meaningless sex wouldn't heal me.

I had to do this on my own and I refused to give in now.

But damn it if I didn't feel like giving up now.

I took a deep breath as I flattened out onto the bed. I was lonely, broken and pathetic and I wanted nothing more than to scream but all I did was pull myself up, grabbed a towel from off the desk chair and headed into the bathroom.

Stepping into the shower, I threw the towel onto the sink before sliding the door shut and turning on the water. It took me a few minutes to get under and I immediately braced my head to the tile as I pushed all my thoughts to the back of my mind.

At least I tried to.

All that consumed me was the replay of every single person I loved, disappearing over and over again.

Mom and dad.

Levi.

Chris.

Derek.

I kept breathing in and out as I welcomed the silent mix of water and tears as they traveled towards the floor and out the drain.

This was my life now.

This was who I'd become.

Stuck forever in complete and utter isolation.