The Diary Of a Gopika

Yashoda's Little One

'Yashoda Maiyya' -- her name itself when taken, every time makes my heart full. I always admired her for the kind of love she showered on each & everyone of us while being Vrindavan ki mukhya's wife. Even after not being my actual mother, she still was, in so many ways.

One day, while on my way back from yamuna ghat, I unintentionally took the route that passes through your haveli. Yes, it still is very much yours', no matter where you live. Your name still rings in the heart of the house, your anklet bells are still heard in every corner, and it still is filled with the aroma of fresh butter & curd. I took a pause and looked for you erratically in all directions, until the reality that you left Vrindavan long back, pricked my bubble.

There I saw, Maiyya Yashoda coming out, adorned in a simple mustard yellow cotton saree, with pallu dropping off her head, and love overflowing from her eyes. The moment she looked at me, a familiar home like affection touched me.

That day, we both sat at your favourite spot and had long long conversations just like a mother & daughter when they meet after ages.

I probably had the best day after a very long time. Actually, guess both of us did. She narrated to me so many unbelievably beautiful tales of yours, I never knew I needed to hear.

Though her eyes looked weak and lost, there was a child like excitement while she recited your stories.

' You know, I never knew my lalla had this weird habit of eating mud until one day Bal came to me running and told what Kaanha was upto.

Hey Narayan, this child!! What do I even do with him? By the time I ran to reach him, he finished eating a good amount already. I saw him sitting there with an innocent face, as if he has no idea what just happened. Though I melted internally, I was determined enough to get him rid of this habit.

I dragged him by hand inside the haveli, and gave him one angry stare & twisted his left ear until he let out a scream. How funny was it -- I acted as if I was mad at him, and he acted as if he was scared of me. Though we both knew, none of us were actually what we pretended to be.

"Lalla, are you already bored of the sweet makhan and curd that your maiyya makes for you with so much effort that you went on to eat mud? MUD?? LIKE REALLY??? Day by day your naughtiness is becoming problematic for all of us. Enough is enough now!", I yelled furiously!!

Upon insisting him to open his mouth, to my astonishment, what I witnessed was beyond description. I saw all the fourteen worlds right there! Starting from green forests to blue oceans, peak mountains to deep valleys, bramha loka above skies to naga loka under waters; Gods, Goddesses, planets, stars, and WHAT NOT!!! I saw each & every piece of creation there, even the ones I never knew exist. I even saw myself there. One more yashoda looking into the mouth of another little Krishna. Not just this one universe but multiple parallel universes. Multiple Krishnas & Yashodas. My head started spinning!

And in the next blink of an eye, that incredible vision got replaced by a tiny little mouth with leftovers of mud. I still fail to figure out if that was a mere human illusion or some miracle by Gods. Then I convinced myself that how can my innocent lalla who can't even pronounce his name properly & says 'kichnaa' every time he mentions himself, carry the entire universe in his tiny little mouth? One strange pagli I am! ', and saying this, she laughed it off!

I said in complete agreement, "I feel you Maiyya! At times, even I cannot differentiate between your lalla's deeds & my delusion. My head hurts thinking about this. Your lalla's maaya is beyond anyone's understanding!"

While narrating your tales, her eyes softened, smile widened, and it seemed as if she was living her life all over again. After you left, her smile never reached her eyes. But today, in this process of re-living your childhood, it seemed as if she felt a spark of sunshine in the caves of her heart, that were filled with darkness from the day you left. I was happy to play my part in this.

She then continued as her eyes welled up :

" I never shared this with anyone, not even with his Baba, but the moment I opened my eyes and saw this tiny fellow beside me, an ocean of affection flowed out of me effortlessly. His tiny tender palms & fingers when touched, felt like the touch of Narayana himself! A true manmohan my child is! His silly questions, infectious laugh & cute antics made me experience a lifetime of joy just within numbered days.

The way he roamed around me holding my pallu, bit my fingers while I fed maakhan, played with my bangles & jewelery.. everything about him was beautiful beyond description. His 'Maiyyaaaa!!' still rings in my ears every second. My lalla is truly a precious child. Everything he says & does is out of this world. I'm blessed to witness his divine childhood so closely. I cannot put into words what all he gifted me by giving the honour of being called his mother. Whenever people address him as 'Yashoda Nandan', it feels as if I'm being crowned. Nothing can match that happiness.

Before I leave this world, I just want to take a moment, hold him in my arms, and feed him his favourite maakhan for one more time. This time, I will tie him with my pallu so tight, that he'll never even think of leaving his Maiyya again! Will Narayana be kind enough to grant this wish of mine??? "

I didn't stop her from crying this time, because I myself couldn't hold back tears and ended up crying with her inconsolably. I swear, I would worship her till the end of my life for such selfless love & sacrifice.

Not to guilt trip you but what have you done to all of us kaanha! Every breath seems like a needle pricking our hearts. It is your memories alone that are still holding our praana from slipping out of the body.

But on a lighter note, we both actually had an amazing time discussing you. I think we need to do this more often, hai na?? By the way, please be informed that I'm her favourite now! Hahaha ;)

Radhey radhey!