The start

new world

18 months had passed and yet I didn't feel any different. Daryl and I were staying at the Sanctuary. It was what Rick wanted us to do. To build and grow here. Keep things in order. Rick said we were different from Negan and that's true but not all the way. All the communities were Distributing in trading with each other. All the main alexandria people we're in charge of the communities. Oceanside stay in contact with us after the war. Maggie was in charge of Hilltop with her baby Hershel. He was such a cutie. Daryl and I would come visit once in awhile the help distribute supplies. As the seasons and days go by it was harder to live in the sanctuary. Nothing was growing because the whole entire place and ground was oil Factory. There is no way product or produce was going to grow here. So it was more like us trading our ethanol for supplies. We were living off of scraps and it felt like the other communities were getting more out of it than we were. But of course Rick didn't see it that way.

It was hard to keep the savior's and Sanctuary in check. Knowing that some of their people still agree with negan's way. Sometimes they'll leave vandalism all over the walls. They'll chant, whistle in the hallway and we can never figure out who it is. Sometimes we can and we punish them but punish them by Rick's way. I know he's a good man. I followed him up to this point from the very beginning. It just doesn't seem like it's the right way. It doesn't seem like it's the only way we have to. I could tell Daryl felt the same.

Living in the sanctuary was already a mess. It triggered some things in me that I never thought would ever happen. I thought Rick putting Negan in a cell would help me cope but it wasn't working. Just seeing the familiar faces at the sanctuary and how they look back at me left an unsettling feeling in my stomach. Every room was familiar to me. Every corner of this place was a bad memory. I didn't want to be here. But I also don't want to go back to the Alexandria where Negan was. The only place that was best for Daryl and I was Hilltop. As much as we want to see Carol and Ezekiel at the Kingdom as much as Daryl loves open water and fishing near Oceanside we always felt safe at Hilltop. It was a second home to us.

But again we can't leave the sanctuary without a leader. Sometimes the other communities don't even want to come by because of the savior's and how they act. They'll never forget. It's not just all of them. Some of them are actually trying with us, trying with me. I told Daryl that he needs to try. It's hard for him. Especially staying at the place where we were held captured and tortured under negan's roof. It's hard to believe that he's not going to pop out from around the corner and whistle. It's hard to believe that he won't say some cheesy line or say that he's going to fuck one of his wives. I could still hear the clicking of his bat hitting the floor in the hallways.

There is one thing that I have learned to cope with. Is that Negan will never hurt me again. Not the constant fear the savior's but knowing that he's locked up under protection with Rick and Michonne. I know I'll be safe from him. And if he ever does breakout or get loose we'll get word of it before he can ever get to me. I also know that a lot of people don't agree with the fact that he's still alive. Daryl doesn't agree with it. It seems like every other day we argue about it. I know Maggie doesn't agree, I mean he killed her husband and left her as a widow to raise their child as a single mother. I'm not saying her feelings are not acceptable but you also have to learn to let go. I'm learning too. A lot of people are. Miles away from him and yet she still can't get over it. Michonne and Rick are sleeping inches away from the man. Its scary when you really think about but yet we still are making this world a better place. Somehow.

"Hey, you alright? How long have you been up?" Daryl rolls over in the bed as he scoots closer to me.

"I'm fine and not long. Maybe a few minutes ago. I didn't want to wake you yet." I give him a small smiles as he tucks my hair behind my ear.

"You ready to get up? Big day today." He asked as he leans over and gives me a small peek.

"Not really but we do need to go on a run soon. I am pretty sure the crops are dried up and not growing anymore." I said between kisses.

"I'll get with the others and talk it over with them." We finally get up and run our errands around the sanctuary. Making sure the people are safe and have everything they need. The crops are growing which they're not. The ethanol is being supplied. Things are running smoothly along with our rules and order.

"Harley!" I could hear the tiny voices from across the main. Its where all the people slept and stayed.

"Hi guys." I walk up the the children. They seemed to be playing amongst themselves.

"Can we pretty please get more toys?" A young boy asked. He looked down at the ground embarrassed. I smile a bit.

"And books!" Another child pipes up.

"Sure I can try to gather some stuff on my trip. I'll do my best." They run up and give me a hug. From across the room I could see Daryl talking to some of the other saviors. He smiled for a split second and then looks down at the ground.

I let the children continue playing as I go check on rations. Daryl and I haven't talked about kids. We never really got over losing the baby. We never got closure of what happened. I assumed it was because we didn't want to trigger the therapy negan did. But I haven't had another incident in a while. Maybe thats why Daryl hasn't been really trying to make this work. He can't move on. I'm not sure if I can either.