love is messy

Chapter 32: Let Me Love.

February 19th 2017

ARYN: "how long does it take for a damn CT up in here?" Tatiana exclaims anxiously. i know what she means, this is crazy we've been waiting for Hannah to come back for two hours now. "we're dating" i blurt out, why did i say that? "you and Hannah? Nah i can't see that" Tatiana says in disbelief. "hey baby" a sexy familiar voice calls out from behind me. "you're back!" i exclaim as i throw my arms around her neck. "someone's happy to see me" she whispers in my ear before kissing my cheek and making her way into the bed. "okay, you have fun while i consult with the other doctors" Dr. Flores says before leaving out the room with Eli and Elise on her tail. "so i see you have all caught up with my lovely girlfriend, you aren't allowed to hate her anymore, you follow?" Hannah says kissing my neck as the girls stare at us in awe. "okay okay, i see it now! ahhhhh i ship ittt" Tatiana squeals. Samia claps her hands together before giving us a knowing look and leaving the room with Tatiana. "guess we're gonna have to entertain each other then" Hannah says in her seductive voice that sends butterflies all throughout my body. "mmm i can think of a few things" i say as i straddle her. She moans softly as i run my hand across her chest and down to her V line. "but not in this bed." i whisper with a smile as she groans and pushes me off of her. "rude!" i exclaim with a giggle. "oh i'm the rude one? i ain't denyin you sex am i?" she deadpans. "whatever, let's just cuddle. we'll do that when we get home." I say, did i want to have sex with her right then and there? of course! but i refuse to fuck in a hospital bed where people can walk in on us at anytime. i'm losing my girl virginity here, i want it to be special! "anything for you babygirl" she says kissing the top of my head before we both drift off to sleep. 

a few hours later...

"babe, babe, babe, baby!" Hannah yells in my ear making me snap out of my dream world. "whaaaaaaat?" I mutter as she giggles. "you sound cute in the mornings, you need to get up. now your parents are going to be here in 20 minutes" she whispers making me jump out of the bed. "my parents!?" i exclaim as i throw on a thrasher hoodie and run into the bathroom. "yes Air, your parents. today is my moms birthday remember? they are going to drive us down to the grave yard" Hannah shouts making sure i hear her as i slam the bathroom door and brush my hair. "oh shit baby, i- im sorry that's so inconsiderate of me" i groan, one day into this relationship and i'm already a bad girlfriend. "are you here? with me? right now?" Hannah says as i unlock the door seeing a big ass smile on her face. "of course" i deadpan,"then you're doing everything right." she smiles into her words. "we're hereeeee!" my mom shouts as she makes her way over to Hannah. "oh love, i'm so sorry i didnt come sooner i have had so much on my plate lately" she says as she covers Hannahs face in sloppy lipstick marked kisses. Hannah is like my moms fourth daughter, they are more close than me and my mom. "it's fine, i've been sleeping most of the day anyway." Hannah chuckles. so this is the first time my mom and Hannah have been together since we started dating, i think i'm going to tell her today. "mom, there's something i need to tell you" i deadpan. she nods her head looking concerned. "i-im... me and Ha- we a-.... me and Hannah are dating mom, i'm gay." i say as tears rush down my cheeks. my mom inhales sharply before letting out a big sigh. "i was afraid of this. but there are places and people who can help you girls, we can fix you." she deadpans with a smile. "fix me?" Hannah scoffs in disbelief. "yes, fix you. we all know this isn't right. it's a sin." are you fucking kidding me, my heart breaks at my mothers words. "okay Mrs. get pregnant at 15" i deadpan, i'm not the only sinner in this family. "you know what? i think i'm going to go, i can't even look at you two! you don't even want to fucking help yourselves? and after everything i have done for both of you. i gave you life Aryn Denver Adams-Foster! and Hannah i gave you a home. and this is how you both repay me? with THIS madness?!" my moms words beam through the walls. "Becca!-" my dad starts"and you?! how dare you condone this behavior. this is bullshit i'm fucking leaving! have fun in hell!" my mother deadpans before storming out of the room. this is a side of my mom i have never seen before, did i know she was religious? yes. but i'm her daughter. i'm not a random person... i came out of her, she gave me life, im her little girl, i'm a good kid! i don't deserve this at all. my body fills with anger as the tears start streaming down my face. Hannah pulls me to her side and hugs me tight. "don't cry babe... she'll come around. it's just one opinion." Hannah soothes. my dad just stands there in shock, he probably didn't expect that either.  "i think i'm going to skip the graveyard this year, ive had enough stress for one day." Hannah says to my dad. he nods his head and rubs my back. "ill talk to her Aryn, this isn't okay." he soothes. i can't speak or move, i'm just stuck sobbing in Hannahs arms. i manage to nod my head as he gives me and Hannah a smile before exiting the room. "what did i do wrong Hannah? why doesn't she love me?" i sob harder and harder into her shoulder. "hey. listen to me right now Aryn. you didn't do shit. you are perfect. some people just don't like different... we are different." her words sink into my head. i know there are some people out there who wouldn't respect my choices here... i just never thought my own mother would be some people. i feel my eyes get heavier and heavier as everything goes dark.

later that night...

i open the door to my house as i take out my ear buds. "mom i'm home! c-can we talk?" i shout, no answer. "mom!" i shout again as i close the door and put my keys on the coffee table. i see a few broken sculptures and vases on the ground, the house is trashed. "Aubri, Naomi?" i call out, still no answer. "hey honey, your sisters are at Emmas for a sleepover. they won't be home for a few days." my dad says quietly with a painful look on his face. "where's mom?" i deadpan. "s-sweetie your mom left for a few days, she went to go see grandma Rubs" He explains as my heart drops to my stomach. this is my fault, she left because of me. "what happened to the house?" i ask softly as my dad sighs. "your mom went crazy, we got in this fight and-" i interrupt him with a gasp as i notice a big gash on his cheek. "sh-she did that?" i ask on the verge of tears. my mom never hit anyone in front of me before, even when i was being a little shit she always kept her cool... maybe i drove her over the edge? my dad sighs before a tear falls down his cheek, "she's leaving me baby girl. she says i'm wrong for letting this happen. but she's the wrong one. you're gay and that's okay. if she can't see that you are still the smart, beautiful little girl that we raised then it's her loss" he deadpans. his words make me feel like jelly, she's leaving him? and i shouldn't have to be reminded that being gay is okay.. it's bad that i don't already know that. being gay is just like being straight... it's love. they say love is love for a reason. love is just that... love! a word that is not defined by a certain color or gender or shape... love is love. gay love is still love, straight love is still love. just because you have the same gender doesn't mean it should be any different than normal love. so why the fuck do people think it's different?! why does my own mother think it's different. i don't understand homophobia and i never will, is it a sin? yes! but god had his sins too... people should just be able to love who they want to love without any worry of being unaccepted or judged. the minute you judge or shame someone you automatically turn into a hateful person. and god didnt make this world for hate, he made it for love so let me love who i want to fucking love! do i want to blurt all this out aloud for the world to hear? of course! but who am i kidding... i'm just a teenager with no voice. i sniffle and shake my head before making my way to my room. as i walk into my room i instantly drop to the ground from the site. my pictures with me and Hannah or me and my mom are in pieces on my bedroom floor. my room is completely trashed... my tablet and old phone is shattered. i sob in silence as i pick up the broken memories of my life. it's never going to be the same now is it? i've ruined everything. i sniffle as i put all the pieces in a little wooden box i had in my closet. as i hang my clothes  back up that now have big ass holes in them. i crawl into my bed and take my laptop out of my backpack that i thankfully took with me to the hospital. i log into my netflix account and settle into the latest season of "greys anatomy".

Izzie is dying in Alexs arms just as my phone rings- come on this is the best part! i groan but quickly change my mood when i see a familiar number. "babe, hi" i stutter, it's like 1:00 AM she should be resting right now. "hey woman of the hour, just wanted to say goodnight to my lovely girlfriend and also let you know that i'm going to be home by the end of the week!" she squeals making me giggle. "that's great, maybe then we can actually get down to business" i smirk through the phone. "oh my god don't even get me started babygirl, i can't wait" she whispers. "me neither, could you facetime?" i smile hoping for a yes, i really don't want to fall asleep alone tonight. "of course my love" she giggles into the phone as i switch to facetime. "that's better, now i can see the angel behind the voice" she smiles her goofy little smile. "well if i'm an angel then you're a goddess" i say back. "eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww that means i'm your mother, thats some next level incest right there!" she deadpans making me groan. she had to ruin it didnt she? "fuck you, you know what i meant" i giggle as she nods her head and smirks at my outfit. i changed into my boxers and sports bra a few minutes ago before she called. "how is your body so perfect?" she asks licking her lips. "it may look perfect but you're gonna have to come find out if it tastes perfect too" i smile as her jaw drops. "say less babyy" she moans. "i wish you were here right now, we could be in each others arms" i say resting my head on my arm. she smiles and nods her head, "yep but you had to abandon me" she whines as i roll my eyes. "i did not abandon you, i needed clothes" i deadpan, "although i guess that's not going to work out" i mutter as she raises an eyebrow, "ugh my mother i'll tell you tomorrow, i'm tired" i yawn as she smiles sympathetically and nods. go to sleep then baby, i'll be here. it feels good falling asleep next to her... it always has. it just feels right...