The Lost Helianthus (COMPLETED)

Chapter Five

I could feel my eyes heating up and hot fluid prosperously flowed down my cheek when I pricked the needle of my insulin in my stomach.

Putangina. Ang sakit.

One year na pero hindi pa rin ako natututo at napeperfect ang pag-inject. May times pa rin na pumapalya ako. Dapat ay sa taba kasi ituturok ang karayom ngunit naitusok ko sa laman kaya kumirot.

I sniffed. Now, negative thoughts are filling my head. I really hate this part.

Bakit ba kasi sa akin pa napunta itong sakit na ito? Why didn't I just die when I was still in ICU, instead of living and suffering long? Itong sakit na ito, wala pang gamot. Walang cure, treatment lang ang mayroon, mahal pa. I'm jist a burden to this family.

Pati itong mga tao sa paligid ko na hindi ko naman kakilala, umaaktong pinag-aralan nila ang sakit na ito sa buong buhay nila. They are suggesting something like cinnamon or what to cure this illness, but it doesn't help. Sure, they wanted to help us, but with those suggestions? It was offensive.

And I typically hate those who confidently claimed that the reason why we have this chronic disease was because of eating too much sugar since you were a kid or not being physically active. Kung may magsabi na naman no'n ay sasakalin ko na talaga. It's just that our immune system has mistaken the beta cells, the one producing insulin, to be the bad guy and they began attacking them. That's the reason why we don't have or we lack insulin in our body. In short, bobo ang katawan namin. Siguro. Ewan. Pero sa tingin ko, oo. Hindi naman ako magkakaroon ng ganito kung hindi.

Or maybe I'm just mad about how I turned out to be that I'm blaming everything.

I wiped the tears off my face. I really hate  how emotional I could be just because of a prick.

"Sol," tawag sa akin ni Mama. Agad akong lumingon sa kanya. She presented me a warm smile that eventually invade my heart and made me forget the cold morning. "Kain na."

Marahan akong tumayo at lumapit sa kanya. "Anong almusal, Ma?"

"Sopas."

Ang hindi pa natatanggal na ngiti niya ay sinuklian ko nang mas malawak na ngiti. I am sure that if there was a contest in smiling right now, I'll be the winner.

Sopas. Perfect for the cold rainy morning. I hope the chicken macaroni soup's creamy. Tumakbo ako patungo sa refrigerator at inilagay ang insulin ko. I, then ran back to where the measuring cup and bowl was.

Pagkatapos kong ibinuhos ang sopas na nasa cup papunta sa bowl ay nagtungo na ako sa mesa kung nasaan naghihintay si Mama.

Magana akong sumubo ng pagkain. I forgot what I said a while ago. I cannot die when there's too many foods I can enjoy.

That's 53 seconds of ranting. Hindi ko naman na iyon maalala pa at magagawa unless, masaktan ulit ako sa pagturok ko sa sarili ko.

I'm kinda moody. I am moody.

🌻🌻🌻

Natigil ako sa pagpush ng cart ka dala ko nang may mahagip akong pamilyar sa mata ko. I blinked, waiting for it to dissolve like air. Baka kasi pinaglalaruan lang ako ng mata ko.

I stared before I shook my head.

Fool. Hindi ako puwedeng paglaruan. I would never let myself get played. Not even my eyes.

I just rolled my eyes. Minsan talaga, hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Inaatake talaga ako ng kabaliwan ko.

Lumiko na lang ako at nagtungo sa ibang bibilihin ko. Maybe it's just his lookalike. Alek will never go here and if he did, he's a fool. Maybe I had mistaken him for someone else because he visited my mind again last night. I am thinking of ways of how to approach him again without feeling any uneasiness and prevent myself from thinking nonsensical things. Minanipula lang ako ng utak ko ngayon.