You, Only You

Chapter 11

"When we have someone that loves us for real, we tend to push them away specially when we have trust issue. We never really meant to push them away, we just wanted to test them or to see if they will still stay even if there are so many reasons to go away."

I close my laptop upon hearing that statement. I was like watching it for a couple of minutes already, every word on each statement just hit differently. A while ago it was saying that 'some people that left us doesn't really wanted to left us.' and at some part of the video it says that 'we shouldn't put all the blame of our pain to those who left us because it's not always their fault and sometimes it is ours.'. I don't even know kung paano ako nakarating sa video na yon while all i can remember is i was just scrolling on my instagram feed a while ago and i ended up watching that. 

I somehow just make it connected to some part of my life. When the person on the video said that 'some people that left us doesn't really wanted to left us.' i kinda think of Odette. What if she left  me for some reason? What if she did it not really just for herself?

At some part of the video that says 'we shouldn't put all the blame of our pain to those who left us because it's not always their fault and sometimes it is ours.' it makes me think of my own,myself. What if it was really my fault? What if i am the one on the wrong? and what if the things and stuffs that i thought was enough is not even enough at all and was not even enough from the first place?

"When we have someone that loves us for real, we tend to push them away specially when we have trust issue. We never really meant to push them away, we just wanted to test them or to see if they will still stay even if there are so many reasons to go away." i repeat the last part of the video before i ended it. It makes me think of Shiane.

Am i just pushing her away back then because of that? I never know, kahit pa ako ang dapat na may alam noon. But i am sure that i always wanted to test her. She's been staying with me for a long while. I don't know and i hate myself for not knowing. Tss too much thoughts and Drama, Dwaine Hurricane , bakit mo ba naman gugustuhing subukin si Shiane kung mag sstay? 

I grab my guitar bago ako umupo sa balastre ng veranda ko dito sa kwarto. I lowkey miss La Cruzalda, it's relaxing ambiance and fresh surroundings. I also miss my dad, my someone to lean on. I was about to strum my guitar but i saw a spot downward which is a spot in our garden na medyo malayo sa makikita ng mga tao or dadaan. It was a little bit hidden behind the thick landscaped plants.

I start strumming my guitar to perform a song that just comes into my mind. I studied this song the last time that i have a time to held my guitar, never knew that it will express my mind all out.

"What if I told you that I love you?
Would you tell me that you love me back?
What if I told you that I miss you?
Would you tell me that you miss me back?What if I told you that I need you? 
Would you tell me that you need me, yeah?
If I tell you all my feelings

Would you believe me, yeah? "

Kinakapa ko pa ang ilang mga chords ng kanta sa umpisa but later on ay nakuha ko na din ang tamang ritmo kagaya ng inaral ko. I am singing while playing the song, it felt like i was the one who really sang the song because it kinda express me for a moment.