Let Me Know| Monty x Winston (13 Reasons Why) *discontinued*

Part Forty-Seven

POV: Monty
Tuesday, June 10, 2021
9:13pm

***play song and start it over if it ends, the song is meant to play for the whole chapter.***

He kissed my cheek and rubbed the back of my hand with his, "This is the safest I've ever felt, with you," Winston proclaimed.

I chuckled, "me too."

I could feel the movement of his chest next to me on the ground breathing in and out slowly.

"All my life," I started, "I felt like I was hiding behind a mask."

His eyes traveled upwards to my face.

"I know it sounds clichè but what the movies say...its true," I told him, "For 18 years, I had to fake my identity and be someone I'm not and for the first time I feel like I've been cut loose from the rope that is my family and everything else that held me back from being who I am."

"Monty, I'm sure that people would accept you, no one cares," Winston stated.

"But my family," I rebuttaled

"Fuck your family!" he articulated.

I smiled and continued talking, "Its not that simple."

"It is though!" He replied sitting up on his elbows.

"No, Winston, it's not," I argued, "My family's not like that, I would be kicked out of my house if my dad found out I was a faggot."

"You should stop using that word when referring to yourself," he warned.

"Why?" I snapped, "Its true isn't it?"

"That's not the point, saying that shit can for real bring down your self worth and confidence, there's nothing wrong with being gay."

I sighed, "That's not what I was taught, my dad always shamed any faggot-gay person he saw on the streets," I corrected my self with hesitation, "Imagine what he would do to me when he found out that I was..."

"Your going to college soon, right?" He bubbled, "Come out in college! no one gives a fuck there and no one knows who you are anyways," Winston nudged, "Think of it as a new beginning."

I was silent for a moment, staring out into literal space and admiring the stars before Winston broke the silence, "Monty...do you love me?" He faltered.

"What?" I chuckled softly.

"Do you?"

I scoffed, "Of course I do."

He sat up straight with his hands crossed over his knees, "Say it."

"Say what?"

I frowned, knowing that I knew what he wanted me to say, "Tell me that you love me."

"Why do you need me to say it," I hesitated.

He licked his lips and looked away, "Are you using me?"

I shot up from the ground immediately, "What?" I questioned crazily, "Why would you think that, no!"

"Are you just hanging with me because you just want someone to hug you and kiss you every night or-"

"Stop it," I demanded and held my breath before I spoke so my voice wouldn't break, "I can't say that I love you because I need to...love myself before I can love anyone else," I lamented, "I never let anyone get close enough to me to love me because I was afraid of love for the longest time," I pressed my lips together and looked up at the sky trying to prevent the tear balancing on my waterline from running down my cheeks, "When you came into my life it was like you were an anchor sent down to save me from the deepest part of my mind where I never thought would be imaginable," I brushed away a tear, "and slowly, you've been bringing me up to the surface and rescuing me from...myself," I exhaled shakily through my mouth, "So don't ever think that I don't care about you because saved my life," I poked his chest with a teary smile.

He had a tear running down the left side of his face and a subtle smile glued on his face, "I'm sorry," He apologized, "I was a completely different person before I met you. You have taught me so much," he wiped a tear off of my face with his thumb, "Mostly how annoying someone can possibly get but..."

I laughed and pushed him away as he collapsed on the floor with laughter.

He wiped off his face with two hands and sat cross-legged next to me, "And I know that you can't love me yet but...I love you."

I smiled as I felt my heart about to burst with emotion and brought his face closer to mine with a hand and kissed him.

I layed back down on the grass with his hand in mine, "Thank you," I breathed, "for everything."

He nodded with confirmation, "Thank you."