Change (Published under The Change For Her)

Thirty-Six

I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know how I feel. My emotions are so out of whack. I'm laying on my bed, listening to one of my many playlists on random through my headphones while I try to turn my feelings into words onto a blank sheet of paper in my journal.

Maria passed out on the floor and Ava was asleep on her bed. We didn't really talk much when they arrived, well they talked and I just stayed silent with tears falling down my cheeks. They tried to make me laugh by telling me all the horrible things they're going to do to Conor. It didn't work.

I need fresh air, I need a way to clear my mind. I just want to get out of here and go somewhere where I don't feel suffocated. I can't think here. I remove the covers off of me, climb out of my bed, and quietly make my way to the door. I slip on my vans before exiting the dorm.

When I stepped out of the building, I stood still with my eyes close and took in the nightfall breeze hitting my skin. I took a deep breath as I began walking to an unknown location. Letting my feet take control.

The town is so different around this time, it's so quiet and feels like the world is on pause. I don't know why people think walking the streets so late at night is creepy like you're living in a horror movie. I find it peaceful, yeah certain areas are kinda sketchy but not all areas give off bad vibes.

My feet stop moving when I reach a bus station shining under a street light. Before I could take a seat on the bench, the bus showed up. A small smile appears on my face knowing where my feet plan to take me.

"Where to, Ms?" The man asks when I climb up the small stairs. I give him the location before walking past him to take a seat.

******

"Hi Dad," I say softly as I wipe the dead leaves off his stone. "You're probably wondering why I'm here so late." I laugh softly as I sit back and pull out my phone just to see it's at 10 percent and it's 3 in the morning. "I just needed to go somewhere to clear my head. So I figured this was the best place to do, so I could talk it out to my dad."

The diner memory reappears in my mind and I couldn't help but smile. "We always talk things out together when I was a little girl, remember dad?" I feel tears build up again. "How every day after school you would take me out to our special diner and I'll tell you everything that happened? How you would give me advice or laugh at me complaining about stupid little things that accrued?" I smile softly at those memories.

"I wish we could go to that diner right now, so you could listen to me rant and give me advice." I pull my knees up to my chest. "A lot has happened these past few months. I'm pretty sure all this mess happened because maybe I made poor decisions. I really don't know, dad." I take a moment to figure out where I should start.

"I met this guy named Conor on my first day, he seemed like a nice guy. A guy I thought you would approve of. We went out and he told me about his family. My roommate tried to warn me about how he's trouble but I didn't listen to her. I should have listened to her, dad but I didn't. I ignored her warning because I believed Conor was a good guy, he even looked like the type of guy who wouldn't play someone. I was wrong, I was so blind that I didn't see the signs. I even saw him making out with another girl! But I ignored it, I just assumed it was a guy that looked similar to him!" I started to get angry with myself.

"He was barely around, dad. After I met his family, Conor vanished. He didn't text or call, didn't show up to class. I didn't hear from him until I went to the college bonfire, where I ignored him cheating on me! Apparently, according to Liam, that wasn't the first time Conor cheated on me. Liam knew all along, he kept it from me and decided to expose Conor's secrets while we were on their family vacation! Why did he wait till then to tell me?! Oh wait, he told me why. Want to know why dad? Apparently Liam wanted me to be happy and didn't want to hurt. He thought I was happy with Conor."

I stop to catch my breath and to attempt to wipe my tears away. "I don't think I told you about Liam," I say calmly. "Liam was the first person I met when I moved into my dorm. He's one of Ava's best friends. I thought he was a bad guy to hang around because of his appearance but as I got to know him, Liam is actually a sweet guy and is the person who's always there for me. Besides from Maria and Ava. He even made sure I came here with mom to see you then took me on his and Conor's family trip." For some reason, I felt my face heat up.

"Liam was the first outsider I told about you along with how poorly mother and I were treated after you left us. He didn't judge me. Liam never judges me, he always lets me rant to him and he listens to every word. Mom even likes him, and you know how mom is. She didn't care about Liam's appearance. Mom even thinks Liam has a thing for me, Maria thinks so as well. I don't know, dad. Conor supposedly had feelings for me but he didn't, he only wanted to play me. So what if Liam just wants to play me too?"

A knot feeling appears in the pit of my stomach as soon as those last few words leave my lips. "Deep down I know Liam is nothing like Conor, I know he would never mean to hurt me. Liam made it obvious that he cares for me. Want to know what's funny? Conor has never shown that he cares about me. The night I had dinner with his family, he didn't notice I was upset when I left the dinner table. Guess who did notice. Liam. Liam noticed and we were barely closed. I was still iffy about him. I was crying and Liam didn't force me to talk about what was bothering me. Conor never made me feel the way Liam makes me feel."

The knot feeling turns into a fuzzy bubbly feeling. The unclear feeling that I'm unfamiliar with. "Liam makes me feel a way I never felt before. He makes me feel safe, I can be myself around him. I can trust him, I know I can always count on him to be there for me. He always tries to find a way to cheer me up. Like after I came to see you a month ago, Liam took me on a fun adventure."

I cross my legs and begin fiddling with the grass. "We have this weird connection that's unexplainable, dad. The only thing is that he's still a mystery to me. I don't know anything about Liam's past, the only thing I know about his past is that he's also from here. I guess it's my fault that I barely know his past since I never ask him about it. I feel like you're getting sick of me talking about this." I laugh a little.

"Just one more thing, I think I realized that I never actually liked Conor in that way. I feel like I was only with him because I never had a guy give me attention. I was so stupid and so naive." I pause for a second. "Dad, I think Maria was right. I think I do actually have feelings for Liam. I was so wrapped around that I was supposed to be with Conor because I felt he was the good guy, the guy I had to be with. When it's actually Liam. Liam is the guy I want to be with, he's the guy I actually like. I just wish there was a sign that Liam truly did have feelings for me. He made a playlist on his phone titled 'For Her' I doubt 'her' is me."

My phone starts ringing and I answer it without looking at the caller ID. "Chlo, where are you?!" Liam's panic voice asks me. "Ava and Maria are worried sick and blew up my phone asking me if I knew. Apparently they couldn't get a hold of you. Where are you?!"

I pulled the phone away from my ear and saw that they did in fact blow up my phone. "I'm okay, I needed some air," I reassured him.

"Where are you Chlo, so I can come and get you." He said calmly.

I nibbled on my lip for a few seconds, "I'm visiting my dad." I softly tell him.

I hear him take a deep breath, "I'll be there to get you soon." Was all he said before silence took over. I look down at my phone and it has finally died.