LOVE THE WAY I AM

CHAPTER 19

      ★★JAYDEN★★

      "What is it?" She asked softly.

       "It's about me." I answered.
     She followed me inside.

       "Bella, I hugged her tight... Sorry for using you... This addiction, I can't over it. I go crazy if I don't have drugs for  four days."
She stood like a log of wood... Not saying anything.

      "It's impossible to stop it... My mom will be ashamed if she knows about this. Rather Than telling on me, help me" i say... I hug her more and tightly... She feeps so warm to be with. I start to remember my first murder.

      How I killed our house maid's daughter... She saw me taking drugs... I was so frighten, and she was going to scream. I hold her mouth to stop her from shouting, never knew I was suffocating her. Slowly and slowly... She went out of breath after struggling to free herself from me and she died.

        ••Flash back ••

      "Jayden?!" 20 years old Rita yelled...

       I sat on the floor in the basement, out of myself.

     "Huh uuu?" I answer weakly...

       "You take drugs...??!"

        I can't speak much. I wanted to say, my friend introduce it to me and made me a monster... But am too weak to say a thing.

        "I'll tell everyone...?!" She yelled and started crying.

      She had a Crush on me even though she was 3 years older than me. Which normal girl will want to see her crush a drug addict.

        "No... Rita, don't." I crawl slowly to her and held her legs. "Don't..."

      She dragged her legs and was going out, the little strength I had, I made her fall and pin her down...

       "Help! Help!" She was screaming. I held her face, from screaming...

       "Hmm...hummmnn...him..." She struggled.

       I pinned her so hard and did knew she was going out of breath...

         When her hands dropped, I regained my senses...

       "Rita! Rita!" I shoke her.

      "Wake up Rita, don't tell on me OK?" "Rita...! Uh. Rit... Ta. Pls wake up. I won't take these again" I tell her.

       She was gone... I killed someone.

      I started screaming..."Mom! Help! Mom Mom pls!!!" My mom was the only one who loved me in my whole home.

    "Mom! Mom! Mo...mmm!" I  cried out. She run around the  the whole place, yelling my name... "Sweetie! What's wrong...?! Baby, where are you? Jay! Jay?!"

       My loud cry made her open the basement door. Seeing me on the floor with Rita lifeless in my hand, she broke down on the floor and say with an unusual tone... "What happened?..." even though she could see the whole situation.

       "I... I ... I killed someone..." A big drop fell of my eyes...

       "Why!!!" She screamed...

       After giving a lot as compensation to Rita's family, I was sent to a rehab center for almost a year...
    
     I went almost crazy. everyday, I dream of how I kill her by my hands. Drugs made me crazy. I still could not do without them.
I pretended for six whole months so I could get out of this hell... I feel more worst, waking up day by day to see those motherfuckers face. Those devils in nursing uniform.

     my parents found a way to sweep the case. While in there, I realize, I don't need the world, i don't need anyone, I'm my own boss, I'm 'JAYDEN'

      I got out with a fresh rebellion spirit. A changed man, I wanted all my father had.

      I wanted to be the bigger boss, he never care about me so I won't mind ruining him.