The Brightest Star

Chapter 51 - I Am Yours

Abby, my dearest love,

Hey, it's Edmund.
I certainly hope Peter remembers to give you this letter - sometimes he is forgetful. If he does forget, that's an awful shame because you would never read these words that I so desperately want you to hear. Of course, you can't physically hear them. But, you can hear them in your mind, at least that's how reading generally works.

First off, I love you. I know I've told you this everyday since we first met, but it's true. I love you so much and I always will. Secondly, you're probably torn right now, and maybe even confused. Your torn between being angry with me, or missing me. Or maybe you are too angry with me to miss me. Or the other way around? You miss me too much to be angry with me. I imagine you're confused because you don't know why I would do this. Or how I could do this. I want to tell you not to be confused, or torn. I'll try my best to answer all the questions you may have.

As far as missing me, or being angry with me goes, that's your decision. But being angry with me for leaving you, and for my decision won't make you miss me less. Just let that anger go so you can focus on your grief, and after that - when you're ready - you can focus on getting better. Now, if you really think about it, there is no reason for you to be confused about my decision. You know me better than anyone. You know I love you more than anyone. So, of course I am choosing to protect you and sacrifice myself. I know this hurts you, and that kills me more than actually dying will - trust me. But you get to live! Alaska will never be able to hurt you again. You will spend time with family and friends. You will follow your dreams. You will rule as Narnia, as Queen Abby the Kind - Hearted. You will have kids and a family. You will fall in love. You will do everything you've ever dreamed of. Yes, I'm saying will because you are, without a doubt, doing all these things. I want you to. I want you to live. Plus it would be pretty rude to say no to a dead guy. *winks.*

I also want you to know this is not your fault! I chose to kill Alaska, despite the consequences. Please don't blame yourself for this. I don't want  you to be in any more pain than I'm already causing you. I want you to be happy. I want you to find love again. I know you're going to say that's impossible. You could never love anyone as much as you love me. But, I pray that you will. I'm in love with you, so I know how amazing it feels to be in love with someone. I want you to feel that again. I want you to be in love forever. Remember, loving someone else, doesn't mean you love me any less. And just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you more than you will ever know. No matter where I am.

Don't worry about me. I know I will be okay. I will be with Aslan, and what could be better? As you are reading this, I'm probably saying just how amazing his country is. Only one thing could make it better, if you were here. But you will be. One day, you'll be here too. And we will finally meet again. I can't wait until that day. But until then, you must remember a few things.

  1. I love you to the stars and back, and I always, always, always will.

2. You will find the light again. No matter how dark it is now, it won't last forever. I promise. I'll be here for you. Your friends and family will be here for you. But most importantly, Aslan will be here for you. Call out to him, pray to him. He will guide you through grief, and bring you back into the daylight. Just give it all to him.

3. The most important thing. Remember this forever and ever, Abby. Remember this when you look at the brightest star in the sky and talk to me. Remember this when you're having a bad day. Remember this when you're eating a pizza. Just, remember this no matter what. You, Abby, are the brightest star.

Love,
always and forever,
your husband,
Edmund Pevensie.

Abby slowly closed the letter, placing it gently in her pocket. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks. She didn't even try to stop them, she knew it was pointless. She had smiled slightly while reading the letter. She hadn't smiled once since Edmund died. But, she just couldn't hold it in with all his jokes.

She took a deep breath and slowly stood up. She left the stone table room, eventually making her way outside. She walked a little ways away from The How before stopping and looking up at the sky.

She took a deep breath as she found the brightest star, remembering what Edmund told her to do in his letter.

"Alright, God." She breathed. "Here it goes. I'm angry that Edmund is gone and I can't do anything about it. I'm angry at myself for allowing him to do it, and not being able to save him. I am angry at Jadis for stabbing him and putting him into this situation. I'm angry that he stabbed Alaska before telling me what would happen when he did. I'm angry at you for taking him so soon. He was too young to go. Way too young."

  A tear slipped down her cheek as she said this. Actually, she had tears streaming nonstop down her face at this point.

"But, I'm also sad. I'm sad that Edmund is gone. I'm sad that I didn't properly tell him goodbye. I'm sad that I can't see him again anytime soon. I'm sad that I won't hear his voice ever again, or look into his eyes. I'm sad that my husband is dead."

"Everyone says it's good to grieve. I am supposed to grieve. But, only for so long. They try to put a time limit on how long I have to miss my husband. Like the pain goes away after so much time. Maybe it does get easier over time. But, he will still be gone. And I will still miss him terribly.
Whether it's been 3 days or 3 years. He will be gone all the same. And I will miss him all the same. And my heart will still be broken."

"I don't think my heart can be fixed. It feels torn in half. Shattered into a million pieces. And there is no way to repair it. No matter how much time passes, my heart will still be broken. That's not something I can fix over time. Nobody can cure a broken heart. Only one person can make my heart whole again, and make me whole again. But...he died. So he can't."

"It hurts more than I could ever imagine. And the pain is dark, and scary. It makes me think terrible thoughts. It makes me want to do terrible things. And it's almost too much for me to handle. I can't handle it. It will consume me. I can't do this. I can't. But you can."

"This pain, is too much for me to bear. But it's not too much for you, God. With your help, I can be okay again. It will take more time than I would like, but it will happen all the same. I'm giving this to you God. I am giving you my anger. I am giving you my sadness. I am giving you my guilt. I am giving you my grief. I am giving you my pain. I am giving you my broken heart. Because you can mend anyone no matter how broken. Even someone as broken as me. None of this belongs to me, it all belongs to you. And I trust your plan for me completely. Jesus, I am yours."

Abby took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. A moment later she smiled, slightly more than before, but still not as much as usual. She felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders. It was immediately replaced with a light, brighter than she could ever imagine. And a genuine feeling of peace.

She sighed warmly as she slowly opened her eyes. Feeling a newfound warmth throughout her body.

  She did it. She gave her pain to God. The burden was no longer hers to bear. And she, was incredibly relieved.

About a minute later, her eyes slowly slipped shut as she fell to the ground.

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀
A/N: there ya have it! I hope it was as good as y'all thought it would be! I tried really hard to write it well!
I had Abby say God bc Aslan represents God, and it just feels more natural for her to say God❤️
Hope y'all liked this chapter!