Sincerely | k.th.

32. Decision

How many times must I stare at this?

Seven days have passed since I've spoken with Euna.

Seven days since she explained to me what each content of the paper that sat next to me represented.

Seven days since I answered her request she made before she left to return home.

Time and time again I wondered if this was the right decision, debating if this is what I should do and what would come after all is said and done.

So many of my doubts screamed at me, scolding and telling me to accept what it is and to find a way to deal.

Until the time has passed, I will keep staring, many more times over.

In my hand, I held the mahogany, antiqued chest, gazing at his letters. Lifting them to my face, inhaling the woody scent from the chest did nothing but reminded me of him. It used to be endearing, burying myself in the aroma and allowing memories to play. Slowly it's becoming a solace where tears dwelled and heartbreak vacationed.

I wished so much that it wouldn't be this way.

I undid the green ribbon that held them together and pulled out the letter that always made my heart skipped for may reasons.

Kye,

This is my second letter in one week. Will it sound desperate if I say that I miss you?

I know you are on the cruise with your family and I'm proud of you for going but I'm also worried for you. I hope you remembered your motion patches. The thought of you spending most of your time in your room is painful. I want you to see the beauty of the sea.

You kinda remind of the sea. Why you ask? Well because you hold a vast amount of mystery. Seriously, we've been friends for how long and when were you going to tell me about your boyfriend?

I know you're dating that guy you mentioned a few letters ago but we can talk about that later.

So back to how you remind of the sea.

You're beautiful in all forms. You shared when you were young that you went to a camp for overweight kids and that you kept going up until the time we began writing. You also shared that after you achieved your goal weight, you continued to go and help others with not only their weight but their confidence as well. That wasn't an easy thing to share and yet you did, with me. That makes you not only beautiful outside but inside as well.

Nature shines on you. You glisten in the sun's rays and dazzle in the moonlight, so thank you for sharing your photographs with me. I know that wasn't easy either.

Our friendship is like the world. If I'm the land, ever growing and unstable, then you are the sea that surrounds me and keeps me afloat. You submerge me with your kindness and you are the calm before and after the storm. I wouldn't be complete without you.

You have depth just like the sea. You love seeking and exploring the unknown but you fears are your clutch. Don't worry, one day I'm going to take you away and help you face them all. You are more brave than you think and I'm going to show you just how much you are.

One day, we'll be together and bring our words on paper to life.

I can't wait for it. I'm waiting for the day you cross over to my sea.

I hope that boyfriend of yours knows how lucky he is to have you. If he not, he doesn't deserve you.

I mean that.

You are so special Kye. You're always there for me and I don't know what I would do without you. Your friendship means everything to me and I care about you so much.

I really hope I am as good of a friend to you as you are to me.

Please tell me.

Okay, it's late and I really need to study. My birthday is in a couple of weeks. I wish you could be here so we could celebrate my twenty-first together. My parents are having a dinner for me the day before and I'll be with my friends on the day of. Don't worry, I will be safe and tell you all about it.

Did I mention that I miss you?

Sincerely,

T

I wonder if he knows how much I miss him now?

His letter telling me about his birthday was great except it left out the biggest detail. How could he...not tonight Kye. Let's not think of that now.

I can't help it. Everything after this almost seemed like a lie and I'm torn between realities. Was he holding his feelings in to force nothing more but a friendship for me? What made him decide to tell me he loved me now knowing the consequence?

This letter I held in my hand always made me wonder.

Questioned. Pondered. Contemplated.

What was going through his mind when he wrote this? What brought him to the decision of telling me all these things?

So many thoughts I wanted answers to and now I'm facing the truth never knowing.

This was the first letter where he poured his heart on paper. Sure he's told me that he's missed me before but this was different. I felt something after reading this and I still do in this moment.

Everything I received from him after this was purely platonic, at least that 's how it seemed to me. Was it his way of protecting me or himself?

We were bounded for hurt shortly after this. It was destined for us no matter how much we prolonged it.

I shouldn't do this.

Tying the letters back together, I placed them next to the photos he gave me on the trip. With help from Euna, I finally translated the signature on the back. It was the same as his message to me before only somehow, seeing it written in his handwriting made it sweeter. I felt odd having her translate it but didn't seem to mind. She said for me to use it to make my decision and now that was the hardest thing I had to do.

An alert from my phone echoed, turning it toward me displayed a text from my brother.

<Are you okay?>

I picked up it up to answer him quickly.

<I'm okay.>

My answer wasn't very honest but it's the best I could say in this moment.

<It's not too late you know>

I sighed.

<I know.>

<I'm here for you Kye. We'll talk tomorrow.>

I didn't bother to reply. I was too tired anyways.

Today and the days before this had been long and I don't think my energy has caught up to my physical being. I needed a shower.

Tomorrow I will have to survive another day and make yet another decision.

Counting the days till this moment passes.

♥️♥️♥️

🌊

Cupid 💘