Most of the memories that went through my mind weren't that eventful, only small moments where I learnt something new about a Side - like Janus' love of snakes or when I gave Patton a cat hoodie. Some, however, were very upsetting - even though I knew how they ended most of the time. But they were certainly eventful and stuck in my mind until they were answered, making me cry and want to change things even though I was prewarned to not interact too much to avoid the 'butterfly effect'.
Memory Uploading...
The most upsetting one was one of the first majorly life-changing ones. It took place in the late 2000s, the surroundings and outfits were a weird mash-up between the 90s surroundings the memories began in and the look I was used to in 2020. In this memory I was cooking in the kitchen, away from anyone else in the house and silent - at first, I thought this memory could just be one where I could step back and start thinking about something else to pass the time.
That was until Anxiety appeared next to me and tapped my shoulder. "You need to see what Self-Care and Creativity are doing..." Anxiety whispered, his growth spurt still not coming in making him look childlike while he looked at me with a small smirk and glowing eyes. We ran through the house together, eventually leading to what was Roman's room, but at that point was decorated red and green rather than red and gold. Anxiety knocked excitedly and the half-snake hybrid opened the door.
Self-Care's outfit was probably the most similar to his current outfit as Janus in the fact that in this period he had his cape slung around his shoulders. Granted it was paired with black slim-cut jeans and a yellow and black flannel shirt and his hat was a black dad hat rather than his derby hat - but it was still somewhat similar. Creativity had yet to get in his prince outfit at all. He wore a red and green knitted jumper usually with a white shirt underneath.
Apart from this instance, where Creativity wore only his white shirt and lay on his bed, Self-Care looming over him like a bird circling an almost dead animal. "How long have you been struggling to sleep Creativity?" Self-Care said, rolling up Creativity's green and red jumper and laying it over Creativity's chest.
"A few weeks, I guess." Creativity glanced at Anxiety and I, for only a moment before closing his eyes. Anxiety giggled to himself, watching Self-Care's movements like a child watching a magic show. "My imagination's just been so... imaginative?"
"You mean intrusive." Self-Care said simply, then it was silent. He spent a few minutes touching the bed - and then touching Creativity - and lastly commanded me to shut the door. Once the door was shut Creativity let out a blood-curdling scream as a flame erupted from his chest. I leant against the door as Anxiety and I watched, both scared and concerned for our friend.
The screaming stopped just as a large pile of - something - hit the floor. Creativity sat up shakily as we approached. "Is it over?" Creativity asked quietly, gazing up at Self Care and holding onto what was his green and red jumper but had become a simple red sash. Self-Care nodded, making a glass of water appear and kneeling on the floor in front of whatever fell from who was definitely now the Roman I knew. The form eventually took shape and colour, becoming an exact replica of Roman apart from wearing a green sash and stealing all the facial hair Creativity had started to grow.
I could immediately recognise this new being as the Remus I had been told about. I had never met Remus but knew of him and his annoyance. The green Creativity rubbed his temples and sat up, then the two Creativities met eyes.
"Who is that?" They both said simultaneously, not leaving each other's direct eye contact even while Remus drank.
"Red Creativity is the good and pure Creativity, suitable for Thomas' creative development. Green Creativity is the less suitable thoughts, but don't worry, he's weak at the moment from the - surgery." Self-Care carried on explaining the difference between the twins while Anxiety slowly approached 'Green Creativity'. Green Creativity stared at Anxiety unsure as Anxiety held out a hand, but he eventually took it and Anxiety helped him stand.
After Self-Care spoke some more we decided to go back downstairs. No-one wanted to tell Morality about this magic spell Self-Care did to split the Creativities, so they decided to just tell him that Green Creativity had just randomly appeared like Anxiety and I did. We opened the door and started to walk down the stairs, where surprisingly Morality was waiting for us - but he wasn't happy.
"What have I told you about interfering with the other sides Self-Care?" Morality snapped, meeting Self-Care on the final step while Anxiety, the two Creativities and I awkwardly walked past. Self-Care only scowled and rolled his eyes, leaning against the bannister and speaking calmly.
"I'm sorry I'm doing my job Morality. I was helping Creativity and this-" He pointed at the two Creativities now staring at each other and entertaining themselves happily by mirroring each other, "was the best solution."
"Oh, everything was fine before you came along!"
Everyone's eyes widened at that statement from Morality; it was so quiet you could hear the twins' whispers to each other to maintain their mirroring activity. Anxiety instinctively grabbed my hand and shuffled closer and we knelt on the sofa cushions, barricading ourselves from any impact by cowering behind the back of the couch.
Self-Care took a breath in, and then a breath out, keeping his calm monotone voice. "Are you suggesting I move out of the Mind Palace?" Morality seemed to only hesitate for a moment before nodding. "Alright then..." Self-Care walked towards the door, grabbing a small yellow bag of his and sighing again. "I shall take Green - or maybe Bad Creativity if you see me as such an antagonist - and you can keep the other one. As for Logic and Anxiety..."
"No way," Anxiety whispered, almost cuddling into me hoping I'd shelter him somehow.
"We're separating them?" Morality chirped, but this chirp was more quiet and anxious rather than the loud and bubbly voice I was used to. "That would drive both of them mad!"
"Exactly." Self-Care said sharply, glaring at Morality as he gave both of us our bags. "And if you can't choose I'm taking both of them with me." I saw Anxiety's eyes glow a little bit when Self-Care suggested the possibility of us staying together.
"No!" Morality walked forwards and snatched my bag from my hands giving Self-Care an equally aggressive stare. "I need Logic with me." Morality's cheeks went a little pink just as he took my bag - this must have been when Patton had a crush on me - and had the ability to do something about it somewhat. "He's good for Thomas."
That was the moment Self-Care seemed to snap. He grabbed Anxiety's arm even though he was crying and screaming in refusal and threw him towards the door. Green Creativity had already understood the situation and was there at the door to catch Anxiety before he hurt himself and restrain him so he couldn't run. "See you later - or never - enjoy being f^cking light and happy."
I felt impelled to stand. It didn't feel as though I was breaking the butterfly effect rule though - almost felt as though inside I was saying a minimal amount and listening as I should even though my body walked up to Self-Care and my voice box activated. "This is a HUGE over-reaction," I said, grabbing Self-Care's cape and holding it tightly so he couldn't leave. "Self-Care - you are a valued part of Thomas. We can all work together to solve this drift rather than tearing friend-"
I was interrupted by a slap with a bare, dry hand, causing me to instinctively let go of the cape and hold the cheek that had been slapped and was starting to sting. That was the first time physical violence had ever been used on or by one of us and the faces of everyone showed it. Well, the faces of everyone apart from Self-Care. His eyes seemed to glow an unearthly green and his mouth became a snarl showing a long, sharp canine tooth.
"Self-Ca-"
"Deceit!" Self-Care's scream erupted in my ear. "I am Deceit now and forever. Enjoy your time together Light Sides - I won't miss you."
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Oh that's a long chapter! There was just a lot I wanted to say - so it's 1500 words rather than the usual 1000 I do. Hopefully you enjoy it none the less!
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(COMPLETE) I am Logan Sanders - Sanders Sides fanfiction.
Fanfiction** Cover is fanart by Logansandersart on Instagram ** Logan wakes confused. He has no memory - of anything. He wouldn't have even known his name if it wasn't painted over the dark oak door in galaxy paint. He doesn't know anyone around him but someh...
