(COMPLETE) I am Logan Sanders - Sanders Sides fanfiction.

Memory 3 - Love

Memory Uploading...

After Virgil left, most of the memories deemed important to go through were very unconsequential and honestly boring. Most only involved me staring at a book pretending to read while overhearing a small argument or discussion between Red Creativity and Morality. We had also already decided on our names quite quickly after Deceit, Anxiety and Green Creativity left but I still felt more comfortable calling everyone by their roles as technically I didn't know Virgil's name yet as we weren't allowed to share our new names with the 'Dark Sides'.

This particular memory started as they always did - reading. This time I was reading on my bed, sitting cross-legged, in the shirt and tie quite similar to the modern me. I would say in this memory I, and the rest of the Sides, were early twenties.

All was peaceful until I heard frantic knocking. I quickly opened the door expecting Red Creativity or Morality to come rushing through, but the hallway was empty. I then looked around, not yet figuring where the knocking came from. That was until I heard a scream from behind my bookcase; the same bookcase that his our 'Movie Hangout Spot'. Apart from it wasn't a movie hangout spot decorated in blankets and pillows. Instead, when I moved the bookcase out the way it held a petrified Anxiety. "We have a huge emergency Logic, like - huge. Not like last week when we ran out of peanut butter." Anxiety said as he walked in, his hands shaking through his hair as he paced around the perimeter of my room. "And before you ask - yes I did make a mini room in your room so I could teleport in without a trace being left behind that I was here." Anxiety pointed at the movie hangout spot, which seemed much larger now this was the first time I saw it, as it was completely empty. "But what did they expect us to do just not speak to each other? Anyway, that isn't the problem at hand."

"Then what is the problem at hand?" I mumbled as I closed the door to my room, still being safe in that I didn't cause butterfly effects, but Anxiety seemed more preoccupied with pacing my room than whether I would say something I shouldn't have.

"I'm getting to that!" Anxiety raised his voice slightly, pointing at me but looking down, pausing in his tracks while his face looked strained and tired. I sat at my desk and turned my spinny chair to face him. A small smile crept across my face watching him pace and chatter again. This was the Virgil I knew.

Eventually Anxiety faced me, his hand holding each other behind his back as he held a quiet deep breath. "Professor Atkins is hot."

"You mean our Statistical Physics teacher?"

"Yes, our male physics teacher." This must have been the point Thomas was a college student. Anxiety stared at me as he said 'male' as if it was some kind of slur, as if he was somehow ashamed of it. "Thomas can't have a crush on a guy! That's impossible! It means..."

"We're gay. What's wrong with that?" I shrugged and spun back and forth on my chair at 45 degree angles. Anxiety didn't seem to have an answer to that, he only looked down with his shocked expression and slightly agape mouth remaining, standing still even though his mind was obviously going at a million miles an hour.

"We can't be like gay gay - what if Thomas' family would hate him? Maybe we're like semi-gay or something and we can just ignore our crush on Professor Atkins..." Anxiety started to speak quickly again, trying to talk through his thought processes but only digging himself into a deeper anxious hole. I walked up to him slowly while he rambled, placing each of my hands on his shoulders while he simultaneously grabbed my forearms and brought his fingers around them, grabbing on for his life.

"I believe the 'semi-gay' word you're looking for is bisexual, and the belief that Thomas is that is a falsehood. He has never had a crush on a girl in his many years of life so I doubt that's going to change. His crushes have always been on guys that we've just dismissed as jealousy." We stayed in our stance while I talked his thoughts through to calm him down. We kept our eyes on each other until eventually Anxiety's breathing slowed and his grip on me loosened. "And we don't have to find Thomas' answer to love straight away, he is still young, nothing is set in stone until Thomas himself is ready to explore it without a sudden anxiety spike."

I believe what happened after is described as a spark. Anxiety had calmed and our breathing had begun to synch with each others. We didn't feel the need to speak to each other to communicate - we just stared at each other. Anxiety tilted his head slightly making a hair fall over his eye, I removed the hair, tucking it behind his ear again before returning my hand to his shoulder. As I brushed the hair out of Anxiety's face I brushed his cheek, which I felt getting warmer the longer I touched him. His pupils dilated and a small smirk appeared on both of our faces. It felt right to kiss him, apart from I knew it wasn't. His first love was Janus, therefore his first kiss was Janus... Right?

Anxiety broke the eye contact only to look down and step closer. I felt the centre of his hips against my leg, and immediately became red. I was definitely gay.

My anxiety was heightened as he went on his tip-toes slowly, rising and keeping our eye contact again. Then our lips touched. I wanted to move my hands to his waist, hold him in a hug, kiss him back passionately and pin him against the wall so I could keep him. That wasn't what this past me had in mind though - I was frozen in place, not kissing back, even placing my hands off his shoulders so I wasn't touching him at all during this intimate moment I had honestly desired since the first movie night I could remember.

God, I would have broken the butterfly effect rule for this if the butterfly effect wasn't the topic of several dystopian novels and movies.

Anxiety eventually stepped back, looking at me sadly before nodding to himself. "I have some thinking to do... Sorry..." And after mumbling that he disappeared completely. I still felt flushed, I couldn't speak, and even if I could Anxiety disappeared too quickly for me to say something. And it's not like I could walk into his room to talk to him - his room in the house had since been locked with thick tape around it - but he wasn't even there.

The warmth of his soft lips still lingered on my bottom lip, making me hold my lip to feel Virgil's company while I sat down on my desk again. I suddenly understood what touch starved felt like after that moment, I stared at my bed wishing Anxiety and I could sit there and cuddle until time ended.

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Another long chapter sorry! But at least it's cute.